


Fall From Grace

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, M/M, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-09-06
Updated: 2001-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-10 23:51:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom accuses Chakotay of being the perfect Officer just before the unthinkable occurs; then his idol crashes and burns at the hands of another. Will Tom ever be able to gain back what he lost or will Chakotay forever be lost?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall From Grace

"Good morning," a deep voice growled, its owner snapping awake in response to the blood lust his body was feeling, while trying to capture the source of its cause. 

"Morning to you too, lover," a softer, sultry voice purred. 

Chakotay chuckled, "Tom…What time is it?" He looked at the chronometer, "We have to get ready or we'll miss breakfast…again." 

"I already know what I'm having for breakfast," Tom purred, as he shifted his kisses from his love's face down his strong smooth, muscular chest on a direct route south. 

Normally, Chakotay would be the last one to protest, but he had to meet up with Neelix today at breakfast if the lunch he was planning with Tom today was going to go off as he hoped. "Sorry, Lover, but I’m starving," he said, as he swooshed himself out of bed and into the bathroom, locking the door, as fast as he could, buying himself time to wash. He knew Tom would be upset, but he really hoped his surprise for the younger man would make all well. 

Tom looked at the closed doors to the bathroom and instead of being angry he laughed. He had his suspicions that Chakotay was up to something, especially since tomorrow was their three-year anniversary. //Three glorious years, // Tom thought with a huge grin on his face. He still remembered how they moved from adversaries to barely friends and somewhere along the way they became lovers, and have been for the last three years! 

Tom moved out of the bed, deciding to play this game out to the fullest in hopes of either delaying his love from leaving or getting a clue as to what he was up too. He pounded on the door, "Cha…Cha…let me in. Or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow the door down." 

"That I'd like to see," Chakotay shouted from the shower stall. 

Chakotay heard Tom taking exaggerated breaths, knowing full well what the young man was going to do. So Chakotay hurried up and was out of the shower by the time Tom pretended to blow the door down, when he simply used the override code. 

"Hey! No fair! You're supposed to still be in the shower!" Tom pouted. 

Chakotay laughed, "And you were to blow the door down, not use the override."

"Can I help it if I want to conserve my breath for…other things?" Tom leered at his lover. 

Chakotay laughed harder as he moved out of the bathroom, "Your turn, hotshot," he said, and whipped Tom in the butt with his wet towel. 

"Oh, you're going to pay for that one, buddy!" Tom growled mischievously

"True, but not this morning," Chakotay replied as the doors closed behind him, leaving Tom in the bathroom alone. 

Tom smiled, as he got undressed, then he got nervous, // you think he's going to do it? // He asked himself. //It's been three years, and he 'is' the traditional type? // Tom climbed into the shower stall. //True, but he hasn't even brought the subject up…don't jump to any conclusions…okay? // //Okay, // he told himself and relaxed and finished his shower. 

*****************

By the time Tom was done with his shower and exited the bathroom, Chakotay was already gone. He did see that a note pad was on his pillow…[see you at the briefing. Love you, Chakotay.] Tom smiled, for one thing about his love, was he was always showing in little ways that he was always thinking about him. 

Tom dressed and headed to the mess hall hoping to catch up to his lover, but it was not quite meant to be as he saw Chakotay was in deep conversation with Neelix. Tom decided to forgo his initial thought of sneaking over and eavesdropping, and grabbed a tray and filled it with this and that and joined Harry instead. "Morning Har."

"Hey, Tom!" Harry grinned. "You and Chakotay having a lover's quarrel," he teased. 

"Oh, yeah, and I always grin this much during one of those," Tom replied with a smirk. He and Chakotay had a few quarrels over the years, but in retrospect they were few and far between, and it always led to the relationship being stronger…and great make-up sex. 

"Well, I was just wondering what brought you back to the breakfast table, since I was sure it was something the two of you had given up over the last year or so." 

Tom laughed, for it was true that he and Chakotay rarely ate breakfast in the mess hall, for they tended to dined in their quarters more recently, usually something very quick, but only if they had time from their morning romp, their real reason for skipping the day's most important meal. Tom sighed pleasantly in remembrance of his lover's body. "Funny, Harry, funny. No, Chakotay had some business to take care of," Tom stated with a mouth full of food. Then after he swallowed he looked around, as if checking to see if the cost was clear. Then he leaned in, his face serious. "I…I think…he's going to ask me." 

Harry was eating his meal, and when he barely heard Tom's whisper, he looked up at his friend puzzled. "Ask you what?" he asked normally, only to get properly shushed. 

Tom looked flushed, and checked to see that no one was paying attention to them, and then leaned over to Harry again. "I think he's going to ask me to marry him." 

Harry was about to wish his friend congratulations, but something wasn't right here. "Don't you love Commander Chakotay?" he asked, bringing his tone down to a hushed whisper too. 

"Yes, with all my heart and soul!" Tom replied almost defensively. 

"Then I don't understand. You don't want to get married?"

"Yes, I do," Tom sighed. 

"Then you're going to marry him?" Harry asked, hoping this confusion was coming to an end, even if he didn't have a clue as to what was going on with Tom. 

"I…" Tom sighed again. "It's just not that simple, Harry. We've never even talked about marriage. Sure, we both knew that if we entered into a relationship it wasn't going to be a casual thing…"

"Okay, Tom. Give. For I don't follow you here. You love him with all your heart and soul and want to marry him…so what's the problem, and don't tell me it's because you haven't discussed it, for I can tell there's something else going on here." 

Tom looked down and away, playing with his food. He sighed again, "Okay, but it's going to sound…stupid." 

"Tom…" 

"Okay, okay. Chakotay is…the perfect officer, the perfect lover…I…" 

Harry's eyes bulged out; "You’re complaining that he's too perfect?" 

"No…yes…no. It's just…I don't think he needs me the same way I need him. I know he loves me, Harry. I just don't think he needs me." 

"You're right, this does sound stupid. He loves you, and that alone makes him need you. You sure this isn't just a commitment issue?" 

"Harry, tomorrow is our three year anniversary, I don't think so," Tom replied tight lipped. "No. He… You should see how he does everything…with confidence, with organized order. If it weren't for the fact that I knew better, I'd think the man totally anal retentive, which to some degree he is. I…" 

"Company," Harry said as he took a bit, giving Tom the eye that Chakotay was coming his way. 

"Hey beautiful," Chakotay smiled as he leaned over and gave Tom a kiss on the cheek. 

"I thought we were to be professional while on duty," Tom scolded with a chuckle. 

"Oh, yes, of course." Chakotay said, making his face stern. "Good morning, Lieutenant beautiful," he deadpanned, for about ten seconds, and then he busted up laughing. 

"Cha…" 

"Tom we’re not on duty yet. Ah, but duty does call. So, will you join me for lunch?"

"I don't know, I did promise Harry and B'Elanna I'd join them today." 

Chakotay wasn't about to let that little barrier stand in the way of his plans for today. "Okay, I understand that. But, I'd really like it if you would," he replied, using his slight smile that Tom melted over. He could see that Tom was going for it, but then the cocky pilot jumped in, and Chakotay knew he had a challenge on his hands…a minor one. 

"I'll think about it," Tom grinned, knowing that he'd give in, for he always did. 

"Alright. Let me know after the briefing, okay?"

"Sure." Tom said as coolly as he could manage and watched his lover exit, and continued to watch long after the doors closed, that was until Harry brought him back to what ever image was going through his head. 

"Tom!" 

"Yeah?" 

"So, yes or no?" 

"Oh, I have a briefing to get too," Tom replied irritated, wanting to dodge the question and headed out. 

***********

"Okay, that should do it. Commander, you take your away team to the north ridge area, where the Salosian's stated we could scan, and see what you can find. "Tuvok, you take yours to the far southern point. I'm confident that between the two sights we'll find enough dilithyum crystal to last us a good while," Janeway stated easily. 

"Sounds good," Chakotay stated. 

"I concur," Tuvok added. 

"Okay," she said, indicating the end of the briefing. 

Tom got up from his seat, as did most of the officers. "So, yes or no?" Chakotay asked causally, while he was fixing his data pads in order. 

Janeway jumped back into her seat, looking like she was just about to miss out on something big and was upset about it. "You didn't tell me you asked him already?" The look on Chakotay's face, and the suddenly shocked looked on Tom's told her that she let the cat out of the bag. 

Chakotay's eyes were now dark as he looked at his friend and Captain. "I was talking about lunch, you know…lunch." //were 'we' discussed where I was going to ask him! // Chakotay thought with some anger at her spoiling things. 

"Ask me what?" Tom asked, before he had a chance to think about it. //Should let it go, Tommyboy. // 

"Ask him what, Commander?" Harry and B'Elanna inquired together, grinning like idiots while doing it. 

Seeing that the moment had arrived, long before he wanted, Chakotay knew he couldn't postpone it. The fates had decided now was the time. He got up and moved toward Tom, taking his hand, and kneeling on one knee. 

There were a few hushes, as they all looked on the scene playing out before them. Only Tuvok and Seven raised their brows’, wondering how much time this was going to take. 

"Tom, we've been together for three wonderful years, and I was hoping to make it a life time of wonderful years together. For with you I'm everything and with out you I'm nothing. Would you marry me?" It wasn't quite how he rehearsed it, but in a pinch it had to do. 

Tom felt tears stinging at his eyes. //Shit, the man even proposes perfectly, // he thought, while his heart was melting. "Yes," creaked out of his tight throat, and then a gasp as he was assaulted by Chakotay hugging the stuffing out of him. 

A round of congratulations filled the room. The only thing that brought this happy moment to an end was a logical reminder that there was work to do. When everyone pulled it together, they all headed out for their assignments. 

Chakotay was leading the landing party, consisting of he new fiancé, Tom Paris, along with Greg Alaya, and Geron Tem. The party beamed down to the target sight and began their mission, scanning out the crystal that was Voyager's main power source. 

It didn't take long before the four members of one team became two parties of two, Chakotay and Tom being one of them. "Cha, can I talk you about something?"

"Of course, what is it?" Chakotay replied, while scanning. Then sensing the importance put the tricorder away for the moment and looked at his love. "What's wrong, Tom?"

"Nothings wrong, Cha. Just…I wish you didn't ask me to marry you in front of everyone…that's all." 

For some reason this didn't set well with Chakotay. He wasn't too crazy about the location either, but it was over with. "I didn't plan it that way." 

"I know. But that's part of the issue, too. 'You' planned it. We haven't even discussed marriage…or children…or…"

Chakotay's eyes narrowed, he was not taking any of this very well. "Are you telling me you don't want to get married? That you only said yes because you felt…pressured?" 

"No. I mean I did feel pressured," Tom tried to explain. "But that has noting to do with my answer…" 

But Chakotay wasn't listening at this point. "Oh…okay. Fine! We don't have to get married," he snapped, tossing his hands up in the air as if he was giving up. The look of hurt and anger was in his face. 

"No! I want to marry you!" 

This totally pushed Chakotay off balance. "You just said…"

"That 'we' never discussed it. Cha…I want to discuss this. Enter into this with both eyes open, for you mean so much to me…I don't want to blow it, damn it! Just because everything works out perfect for you doesn't mean it does for me!" 

"Perfect?" Chakotay growled. "Nothing is ever perfect…" 

This time it was Tom's turn to not be listening. "Oh, please! The universal clock revolves around you! You’re the perfect officer, the perfect commander…hell, even when you screw things up, you do it perfectly!" 

Chakotay was about to reply when he caught a glimpse of Greg and Geron the rest of his team in the distance. It was enough for him to catch his mouth before he said something even more stupid than he probably already did. Plus, it reminded him that they were on a mission, and it allowed him to see that Tom was also in a snit and that meant there was no reasoning with him. They both needed some space. "Go, back to the ship, Tom," he said in a firm but quiet tone. 

"Oh, sure, pull rank…" 

"This isn't about rank. It's about the fact that this isn't the time or place for this discussion. I have a mission to complete, but if it makes you feel better…I'm ordering you back to the ship." 

Tom glared at Chakotay, hurt and anger in his eyes. He then hit his com badge and requested a beam out. "As you wish, Mr. Perfect Officer," were his last words before the beam took him back to the ship. 

Chakotay gave a low sigh of frustration, and though he felt upset, and embarrassed, he covered it up and got the team and himself back on track. His mind was still on Tom when it happened. 

***********

His head hurt and his body ached. It took a moment before he realized that he was being dragged, his hands chained behind him, as he realized what happened. It was about ten minutes after he sent Tom back to the ship when they jumped out at them. The minerals in the rock covered their bio signatures, and they had been armed. Chakotay, Geron, and Greg did their best to fight back, but once they took down Geron and Greg, they were able to out number Chakotay ten to one. 

Chakotay felt his body stop from being dragged and heard footsteps. He didn't open his eyes, for with the pain in his head, he knew it would hurt. But the firm grasp on his chin, forcing his head up, made him open them, and sure enough the light hurt his eyes. 

"You look like the incharge type. Are you?" A deep voice questioned. 

Chakotay had to blink a few times to get the vision of who was talking to him in focus. He could see a pale green smooth skinned male, with five tiny horns on his head, in addition to silver blue scales where hair would be on his head as well. He also could tell he was in some kind of stone shelter, for there was little sunlight, but the gray stone walls were everywhere. There was hardly anything here, just a tiny table and a chair, and several torches that lead to a stone stairwell leading down. 

The sting of the slap blurred Chakotay's vision. "I asked you a question!" 

"I'm Commander Chakotay of the USS Voyager. We're on a peaceful mission…" Another slap across the face stopped him. 

"Yes or no, unless I tell you other wise. Now, let's try this one more time, shall we? Are you the one incharge?" 

"Yes." 

"Good, it can be taught," the male smirked with disdain. 

"You have no right to…" Chakotay started, but received a backhand to the face for the third time. 

"You, Para, don't tell 'me' what right I have or do not have!" the male growled. "Now," he said, pulling Chakotay's head up and back by the Commander's hair. "You will tell me everything I wish to know about your ship and its inhabitance, and how best to overtake it, and I'll let you live. So simple, that even a Para like you can understand it, yes?" 

Chakotay's eyes went dark, and he gave a look about, as best he could, and saw from the corner of his eye, Greg and Geron, chained, like he was. It didn't take much of a look, for they were both former Maquis, and they were prepared for the Cardassian's method of questioning should they get caught, and Chakotay could see they understood that training was going to come into handy now. //Just until Voyager rescues us,// Chakotay thought with conviction. "I'm not going to tell you anything," he stated, for he knew it would be ridiculous to chant his serial number to them…it didn't mean anything to them out here anyway. 

Chakotay felt the sharp edge of metal at his throat. The metal edge just nicked his skin and he could feel the moist sticky fluid running down his neck, along with his own sweat, as the sharp blade pushed farther inward. He steeled himself for the final blow of death, but it didn't come. 

"No, he won't talk. He's not the type," the male, obviously the leader stated. The male circled Chakotay, eyeing him with scrutiny…and then gave a very dark laugh as he cast a look at the other two men. 

With a gesture he didn't see, Chakotay knew new orders were given, as the knife was pulled away from his throat and he was forced to look at Greg and Geron, the knife suddenly to Geron's throat. //Oh, Spirits!// Chakotay prayed, knowing there was nothing he could do, even as he yanked on his bonds. "We came in peace and had permission to be here!" he shouted, hoping to refocus their attention back on him. 

"You didn't have 'my' permission to be here," the Leader said in a dark calm tone. "This planet belongs to me and my people, not the Para-dos, called the Salosian Government! With your ship, my army will finally be able to defeat them. Tell me what I want to know or this one...this...young pretty one dies. I'm sure you’re able to distinguish the difference between one who would jest and one who is serious, yes?" 

"Yes," Chakotay growled, his eyes locked on Geron's seeing the fear in his dark hazel eyes, but knew there was nothing he could do about it. [I'm sorry,] he mouthed, his eyes pleading for understanding. 

The words, though not spoken gave Ensign Geron Tem the courage he needed and steeled himself so as to do his Captain (as Chakotay always would be known to him) proud. [I understand] he mouthed back, trying to keep any tears of fear from falling. 

The tension in the room was thick, and then the Leader growled with fury as he stormed forward and took the knife from his underling and slashed at Geron, but not his throat, his face, causing a deep gash in his left cheek. "I see what we have here!" he shouted as he turned to face Chakotay. "You are prepared to die for your cause…admirable, but I won't be that merciful. No! You should have told me what I wanted, for now not only will you tell me everything I want to know, but you will beg for death as well!" he spat into Chakotay's face, making this very personal. 

The leader looked at the three officers with an intense scrutiny, "Chain the two older ones to that wall, and strip this pup!" 

"You fucking bastard! Pick on someone your own size," Greg shouted as he was being forced back to the wall. 

"No! You have any qualms you deal with my, you son-of-bitch! And no one else! "Chakotay shouted, as he struggled against his bonds, but the three aliens were too strong for him and pushed him to the wall, not realizing that he just provided his enemy with the key to his undoing. 

"Chain them" the Leader grinned wickedly, his eyes glowing as he saw a weakness in his chosen target's eyes, that he knew he could exploit with ease. "And gag them." he added, keeping his blueish green eyes locked on Chakotay the entire time; gauging his every move and reaction to what was happening and what was about to occur. 

Greg and Chakotay were chained to a wall, and gagged, as ordered, unable to break their bonds. They watched Geron struggle against his captures, while they tore his clothes off exposing his young pale flesh and laughed at him adding to the young man's humiliation. They pulled on the chain's to toss him off balance, then kicked at him so he would fall to the floor, and continued to kick him while they finished carrying out their orders. 

The entire time, the Leader focused intently on Chakotay’s reaction, barely giving a side glance to what his men were doing to the youngest of his prisoners. It was the one who claimed to be their leader that held his full interest. 

Chakotay and Greg watched helplessly as the young Bajoran was brutally grabbed and tossed over a small table, his face toward the two men, and held down, while the Leader pointed to one of his men, who gladly stepped up behind the young male to carry out the unspoken orders. It was then that they were able to see that in the genital region they were built similar, but the aliens were longer though not thicker. But this didn’t take away any of the pain or humiliation the young man was experiencing as he was being degraded in front of his friend and his Captain, the man he admired. Between the pain of forced, dry penetration and the humiliation of being raped in front of Chakotay, Tem closed his eyes and cried...his humiliation complete. Though he did not make a sound otherwise. 

The rape didn't stop at just one guard, it continued from one to two, to three. If Greg or especially Chakotay closed their eyes or looked away, they were slapped hard across the face, and told to watch. After a short bout of rebelling, for neither man wanted to watch this brutality, preferring a bruised face, a different tactic was needed. The Leader sensed this and when Chakotay turned away, Geron paid the price this time, for he was then penetrated by two of them at once, causing tearing of his anal flesh, and forcing out of him a soul curdling scream of such agony, as blood came pouring down his leg. Horrified and helpless, Chakotay and Greg, watched young Geron being repeatedly double raped until his passed out, looking very pale and near death. 

"Haaah, oh, don't worry, Commander. He won't die…yet. He has far too much entertainment value left in him," the Leader grinned, his dark bluish green sharp teeth showing. "We'll heal him…just enough to keep him alive," he said coolly as he walked up to Chakotay and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You can't protect them, Commander, so long as you are silent. I want 'you' to tell me what I want to know and I'll grant you and your men a reprieve and let you all go…don't and this will be considered pleasant to what I have planned next," he said, running his cold clammy hand down Chakotay's sweaty bronze skin, noting the color and it's texture. 

Chakotay only turned his head away, though his anger was full in his eyes, it was the only way he could defy this bastard. He withdrew inside, steeling himself for what he knew this bastard would make him witness…or so he thought. 

"Very well. I feel like a bit more entertainment, but of a different kind," he laughed darkly. He walked up to Greg, "I like you skin color…so much like your...Commander's. I wonder how it'll look...on me?" he said darkly, as he glanced to see Chakotay's reaction. Then he turned to his men, "Take them down, and place this one in 'the' cell, the others in separate cells, but make sure the Commander has a front row seat while this one," he said stroking Greg's face, "Is entertaining us." 

Chakotay and Greg did their best to struggle in their bonds, but again they were no match for the number of aliens that had a hold of them. It was during the struggle that Chakotay noticed they didn't have their com badges, and real concern hit him and some of his resolve faded. He looked over his shoulder not only at the alien Leader laughing at them, but to see what they were doing with Geron. They were dragging the poor beaten boy on his back, leaving a bloody trail as they did so. 

Chakotay stopped struggling, not only because it made it easier on him, but he wanted to save his streanght should an opportunity arise where he could escape or help the other's to do so. Plus, the throbbing in his head was killing him. Geron was tossed in a stone cell, with a wooden door, so Chakotay couldn't see him anymore, and he was pulled along farther down the hall, were they were led into what could be classified as an old fashion torture chamber. //Oh Tom, I'm so glad your not here!// he thought, knowing in his gut that this bastard would have chosen Tom to be his first victim, and Chakotay wasn't sure if he could have dealt with that. As it was, seeing Tem, only a few years younger than Tom being brutally assaulted, tested his sense of duty. It was all he had to keep silent, for this was more than about them, it was about Voyager...and he had to keep them and Tom safe. 

Chakotay was tossed into a narrow body cage, his hands chained to the back of it, while Greg was chained to the large wooden table, his feet clamped down, then his arms undone, but since Greg was outnumbered, they managed to clamp his wrists down too. He was like a big X on the table, his face sweating and his lip bleeding from the slaps from earlier. 

The Leader walked in, and surveyed the situation. Chakotay noted that his followers didn't speak, either from fear or discipline. //Both, most likely,// he thought. Chakotay still had the gag in his mouth or he'd have a few choice word with this guy, but the more rational side told him it wouldn't do any good and be far worse for Greg if he did say anything. 

The Leader used the dagger he still had in his hand and slowly sliced open Greg's shirt, leaving a light gash on his chest. Then he snapped his fingers, and one of his lackeys scurried up to him and opened a large brownish red leather case. Chakotay couldn't see what he pulled from the case, not right away. Then the alien turned to Chakotay to make sure he saw the tool. It looked like an old-fashioned potato peeler. 

Chakotay saw the fear in Greg's eyes, and his friend's determination to steel himself for the torture that was about to occur. The Leader moved around Greg, so Chakotay had a front-row seat, as he had ordered and simply swiped the tool over Greg's chest with a quick flick of his wrist. It first seemed like he missed, but between the howl of pain and the sudden appearance of blood where the Leader pulled up a thick layer of skin, Chakotay knew otherwise. "You can only protect them by talking, Commander. Tell me what I want to know!" 

Chakotay's dark eyes were filled with tears of anger and sorrow for the pain his friends…his crew was suffering and he was helpless to do anything. He looked at Greg and pleaded with his eyes for him to hang on, to keep hope. That this wouldn't last long…help surely was on the way. //Oh, please, be on the way,// he prayed, and then thanked the spirits for the hundredth time that Tom wasn't here, that he was safe and sound back on the ship. 

**********

"Tom, have a seat," Janeway said as she turned in her chair, drinking her coffee, and finishing up reading a data pad. "Now, why are you back here when you are to be down there? And better yet, why were you drinking in Sardine's while you're supposed to be on duty?" 

"That stubborn…" Tom started, but Janeway held up a hand…lover's quarrel. "Perhaps we should get the 'Stubborn' Commander up here to save me the trouble of having to go through this lecture on professional behavior and not mixing personal and professional business, especially while on an away mission?" 

Tom gave a little smirk, //Heh, I guess he isn't so perfect now, since he's being called to the carpet too,// his alcohol laden mind retorted. 

"Voyager to Commander Chakotay." 

The two of them sat quietly, but the silence lasted too long. "Janeway to Chakotay." After another moment of silence, "Janeway to Tuvok." 

"Tuvok here, Captain." 

"I'm not able to reach Commander Chakotay. See if you can reach him from you location."

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok replied. 

Tom started to feel himself start to sober up as adrenalin started to pump into his system from concern for the man he loved. For he could now sense that something was wrong, for it was not like Chakotay to ignore a hail.

"Negative, Captain. I have not been able to reach any of the Commander Chakotay's landing party." 

"Stand by," Janeway stated. "Harry, scan the location of Commander Chakotay and his landing party." 

"Aye, Captain," Harry's voice replied over the channel. 

Tom felt his heart beating double time, his mind chastising himself for being an emotional fuck-up. //You could have been down there if you'd kept you're stupid mouth shut,// he scolded himself as fear filled his now stormy blue eyes that were staring at Janeway's com badge, as if willing Harry to say all was well. 

"Captain, I’m only getting their com badges. There are no life signs or biological signatures with them," Harry stated, the edge of concern now in his voice. 

"Janeway to Tuvok. I need you to beam over to the North site, and keep the channel open. We've scanned only their com badges. Something must be wrong. So you know, Tom is with me. Keep me posted." 

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok replied and Janeway closed her side of the channel. She turned to see a very pale Tom. "Tom?"

"I should have been down there. Whatever happened down there it's my fault. I was scared and insecure about our getting married, so I decided to push the issue…not thinking about the mission...stupid, stupid!" 

"Tom…" 

"No, Captain. It's my fault," Tom replied, looking grief stricken and pale as he looked up to meet Kathryn's eyes. "I made him angry, which means he wasn't paying full attention to things…" 

"Stop it! You don't know what happened down there. There's a good chance all your presence down there would have accomplished was being involved with what ever happened. Look at it this way, we still wouldn't have known for another hour if you were not with me now, for that's when Chakotay was due to report. Now, pull yourself together, we have work to do, Lieutenant." 

"Yes, Captain," Tom said, standing up, fully sober now. //I should be with him, no matter what!// Tom knew the feelings of guilt, and fear would be his constant companion till his mate was back by his side once again. 

****************

The night was long and cold, as Chakotay huddled in the dark, dank, stone cell he was tossed into after witnessing the alien bastard flayed the skin of Greg's chest, while taunting him at how poor a leader he was, allowing him to hurt his men. But Chakotay reminded himself that he had no choice, for to betray Voyager was not an option, and it never would be. 

Since he was not beaten or raped like his men, he was in better condition than he knew they were, so he was denied food and water. "If you’re hungry, all you have to do is talk," the Leader stated. ++

Chakotay would rather starve than talk, and he was glad that his men were holding up under such brutality. //Anytime now, Kathryn,// he thought, as a deep chill ran through his body. 

The only thing that gave him the tiniest bit of comfort was seeing Geron being treated for his wounds before he was tossed in his cell, and couldn't see either Tem or Greg. The dark cell was only partly underground for Chakotay spotted a little sunlight from a tiny crack in the ceiling and as it departed, he knew it was night time. 

The silence in itself was nerve raking, for Chakotay was worried about his team, again glad Tom was okay. But the only sound he could hear was the soft scuttle of footsteps as guards passed by. Attempting to get some rest, Chakotay closed his eyes and let his mind drift away to a blond blue eyed heaven called Tom Paris. 

The next two days were more of the same, except the part of the rape victim and flayed were interchanged between Greg and Geron...so far Chakotay was forced to watch helplessly, as the Leader continued to taunt him that the only way to stop this was to talk. 

"There are ways to give pain without killing the subject, Commander. Did you know that?" The Leader asked. Seeing that Chakotay was going to ignore him as he stood over Geron's beat and raped body, suddenly lifted his foot and stomped very hard on the young boy's arm...snapping it like a twig! 

Geron cried out in pain, though it was weak, for he had little energy left from the horrors he had already been through. Then he managed a few words in Bajoran to curse his capture, believing that was what Chakotay would do, and he would have been right, if it was only Chakotay facing this brutality. However, Chakotay long since stopped shouting his anger at what he was being made to watch. His few words were used for low slurs and vows of retribution, or some encouragement to his men to hold on...to have faith. 

Chakotay's only reaction to what was done was to glare at the crazed leader, his dark eyes piercing disgusting bluish green ones. Chakotay was doing his best to burry his emotions, but it was difficult, for he not only wanted to protect Tem and Greg, but they were his friends, they were under his care...and he loved them for their gift of friendship and loyalty. He had to be strong in order to lend them his strength. He wanted to do so much more, but this was all he had at the moment to give. 

Seeing that Chakotay didn't react the way he had hoped, the leader grinded his foot on the broken bone, causing more screams to come from Geron. Having enough, he snapped his fingers and pointed to a torch. The item was handed to him, and he lowered it to lay it's fiery touch upon the pale skin that was now gray and bruised. The smell of burning flesh and Geron's screams were driving Chakotay mad, but it was Greg that shouted first. 

"YOU FUCKING COWARD! RELEASE ME AND I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY ASS ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE ALPHA QUADRANT!" he vowed venomously. 

"Oh, I see you want your turn," the Leader replied nonchalantly, while keeping his eyes on Chakotay. "What do you say, Commander? Why don't you protect them, help them, by telling me what I want to know? Or should we move back to 'the' cell...yes?" Chakotay was silent, and this made him lose his composure, "Take the tall dark one to the table!" 

Chakotay watched in silent horror as Geron, fully naked, half blue from cold, was dragged while unconsciousness back to his cell, as Greg was being forced back to the nightmarish room. Soon Chakotay was forced to follow and he again was placed into the narrow body cage, and made to watch. The thick puss filled scabs were all over Greg’s chest from the last few days of hell, and Chakotay saw Greg was anticipating more of the same by the look in his dark eyes. //Spirits, please help them be strong and to remember why we must remain silent,// he prayed. //And let Kathryn show up soon!// 

Both Chakotay and Greg's eyes grew wide when the Leader walked into the room and rejected the dark leather bag. "Bring me...the mallet," he ordered. 

"Yes, Lord WaJek," the guard said. This obviously was a mistake, for the Leader...WaJek, quickly reached out and slapped his minion hard across the face. The look alone seemed to be enough to inform the underlying of his error. "Get the mallet," he growled. 

The lackey brought over a large three foot long mallet, and neither Greg or Chakotay knew what he had planned for it. WaJek had calmed himself, not enjoying losing his cool in front of Chakotay, turned to face the alien leader, as he stood near Greg. He looked deep into Chakotay's dark eyes and then he suddenly and swiftly lifted the mallet and brought it down hard on Greg's legs!

Alaya's horrific cry of pain filled the air along with the cracking of bone as it was soon followed by his soft sobs from pain. As much as Chakotay wanted to show no emotion what so ever, he could not but help but shed a few silent tears for the suffering of his friend. 

WaJek seemed pleased with himself as he dropped the mallet at Chakotay’s feet and smirked. “Shall we call it a day?” 

Several guards grabbed Chakotay from the cage, but Chakotay was almost successful in getting free of them, but another came to help and he was dragged back to his cell and thrown in after the chains were removed. The door was securely locked and all Chakotay could do was lean against it, listening, hoping to hear that which he soon realized wasn’t coming…help. 

Hours passed and Chakotay was surprised that he had been given a large bowl of water and what looked like day old bread, though the color was off…it was food. His first reaction was to starve himself, but that would be putting his own designs before his men, and he was sure they needed him to be strong. So, he drank the water, even if it did taste a bit foul and rationed the loaf of bread, for he wasn’t sure if and when they would feed him again. After eating just enough to take the edge of his hunger, he huddled to the corner he had spend the last few nights in, glad for the peace the darkness brought. He tried to meditate, but he couldn’t for he was starting to feel ill, unsure if it was something in the food or just a result of stress. 

His vision was slightly blurry when he awoke to the sound of his cell door opening. He stood up and gave his typical resistance to being chained, then was dragged out, given his morning beating by the guards and then dragged to witness another horrifying day of his men being tortured, while he could do nothing to help them. 

************

Over a week and a half had passed as the nightmare continued. All three of them experienced WaJek’s newest form of torture, electro shock to the ball sack or penis. What made it even more warped was that the trigger devise was set off verbally if someone screamed, for a sensor was placed on their throat. Chakotay was the first to experience the shock as Geron was rapped again, but no longer by any of the guards, but with items and his frequent screams, was accompanied by Chakotay’s. 

So on top of the rapes, the flaying, the broken bones that were healed and then broken again, they were plunged into another level of hell. Chakotay was wondering how any of them were still alive, though to all appearances, Greg and Geron looked like corpses, for they no longer looked like officers…or men. 

As Chakotay staggered back to his cell, for his vision was becoming poor from lack of food and the beatings, he sadly found himself anticipating his return, for in there it was silent, and there was no more pain for anyone. He didn’t sleep much anymore, for he couldn’t relax, and not being able to meditate wasn’t helping him. He had tried night after night, hoping for some guidance, some streanght, some sense of balance, but he was receiving none. 

“Kathryn, were the fuck are you?” he swore under his breath, as he sat in his corner, staring up at the tiny fragment of moonlight. He gave a slight peaceful sigh, as he embraced the night. Some how he managed to fall a sleep, for he was suddenly snapped awake by the blood curdling scream of Geron. He pushed himself to his feet and noticed it was still night time…//no…unfair!// his mind screamed, as Geron did too. 

He moved to the door and banged on it, no longer caring if he posed as the calm collected officer, this was too much! “You fucking son-of-an-alien-bitch! You want to fuck with someone you come fuck with me!” he shouted, but what ever horrific thing that Geron was experiencing didn’t stop. He pounded and pounded, shouting for them to stop! “Stop it, you bastard! Why don’t you just kill us! Voyager is long gone by now!” 

There was silence as Chakotay’s words were allowed to sink in, not only to who ever was listening, but to those it would hurt to hear it. Chakotay realized his error…he had admitted that they had been abandoned, and left to their own devises. Even if he didn’t believe that fully, the damage to Geron and Greg was done and it couldn’t be repaired…again he had failed them. 

He silently started to cry as he fell to his knees when the screaming started again, some how hearing the difference as all hope fled out of the young spirit that once flourished under his care. 

“Prophets, just let me die!” 

The hopeless words shattered a piece of Chakotay’s soul. //Mr. Perfect Officer!// Tom’s words mockingly echoed in his head. “A perfect officer would have noticed them in the area long before they attacked. They would have been able to fight them off, keep his men safe. He would have found a way to stop this nightmare without betraying anyone…he wouldn’t cry!” he stated to himself as tears fell freely down his face. 

Chakotay’s head was swimming with ‘what ifs’ his guilt filling him at how he let Geron, Greg, Tom and all the rest down…he had failed them all. “Unworthy,” he murmured as he ripped the rank pips from his collar and threw them across the room. He shifted so he was now sitting with his back to the wooden door, his knees pulled to his chest, as he held himself, rocking, as the sounds of tears, pain, fear and anguish overwhelmed him. 

//There must be something I can do? // //No, there is nothing a worthless pathetic man like you can do! // //It’s my job to protect them! // // one in which you failed…miserably! Some First officer you are!// “No, there must be something!” He cried out to himself, then wrapped himself tighter into a ball and waited for the night to end…as well as feared the morning’s arrival. 

************

It had been three weeks of hell. The only way Chakotay knew this was from the tiny crack in the stone wall were the sun peeked through, so he could tell when it was night or day. Three weeks of no help! Three weeks of watching helpless as Geron and Greg were beaten, raped, or portion of their flesh torn away or worse. 

Chakotay was far from free of his own abuse either, for he not only had to watch, and from time to time share in the brutality, he had to listen to WaJek, the name of the Leader, taunt him, on how he couldn't even protect his own men. That he was unworthy of his rank, to stand by and let him do this to them. Chakotay knew he was right, but even so, he couldn’t betray Voyager…he just couldn’t do it. He was physically assaulted, but no where to the extent Greg or Geron were and the only time he saw them was while they were being tortured. Otherwise, they were all kept in different cells out of hearing range of one another. 

Nighttime at first brought some peace, and a tiny bit of food and water, for WaJek didn't want them to die…he was enjoying things way too much. Then Chakotay's mental torture was added too after a week as he heard Geron and or Greg's screams begin to echo in the night. Both men over time begging for their hell to end. He would shout on the top of his lungs for them to stop, but to no avail. Then each night he’d sit curled up by the door, racking his hazy mind on how he could help them, but the voices of guilt and self accusation wouldn’t leave him the hell alone long enough to think. 

“There are all kinds of ways to inflict pain without killing the subject,” WaJek would say over and over again, as if he was giving Chakotay a lesson on how to torture properly, instead of trying to break him. He would break bones, tear muscles, and burned sensitive areas on Geron and Greg’s bodies while Chakotay had to watch and some times experienced as well. If he turned away or closed his eyes, everything would increase as the two helpless young men were tortured even more. In one of his more darker moods, WaJek included Chakotay in his latest bazaar methods of torture. One time he hooked up wires to Chakotay's genitalia and a sensor device to Geron’s throat, for he was the more likely to scream between the three of them, so every time the young man did, an electrical shock when through Chakotay's body, much to WaJek’s pleasure. 

Today however, was the last straw for Chakotay, he couldn’t take watching his men suffer so, not all this time, not anymore. Something had to be done. Though he was furious at Kathryn for not finding them, he was more so at himself for letting them fall into this hell in the first place. It was his job to protect them, he was incharge, the First Officer…it was 'his' job! After watching them rape Geron for the thousandth time, and scalp Greg, slowly, Chakotay had vomited, though there was no food only bile, and then he called for enough. 

"I'll tell you whatever you want, just leave them alone," he panted, for he was weak from lack of food, sleep, and the daily physical torture he received. He knew this was more about WaJek breaking ‘him’ then anything else, even getting information on Voyager, but he didn't care anymore, it had to end. 

"No, Cap…" Geron begged, the words forced out between dried cracked and swollen lips. But he was far too weak to say more, for he barely had the streanght to breathe, he was now so thin and frail. They had long stopped using their bodies to rape him, but used a broom handle, for it caused more damage, more pain, and no one found it arousing to fuck a Para (half life) anymore. His once bright hazel eyes were now grey, clouded by the pain his soul was suffering from, as he tried to use them to plead with his Captain, the man that gave him the streanght to continue through this hell, and remain silent about Voyager…he didn’t want to be the cause of seeing his idol fall at the feet of someone like WaJek! 

WaJek laughed, the sound of a dark victory filled the air. "Ah, I though for sure you'd last another week or so," he said disappointedly. His lie was convincing, for he had thought that Chakotay or one of the other’s especially the young one would have broken long before now. But he would not even give that much to this alien, he was willing to be broken and WaJek was more than willing for it too occur. "But you are pathetic and unworthy male, so I should not be surprised. Fine, tell me…"

"Let me take care of them first," Chakotay begged, for he was no longer above anything…they needed him. "Let me care for them, tend their wounds, and I'll tell you everything." 

"You are in no position…" 

"Please," he cried as he fell to his knees. “Please.” 

WaJek looked at Chakotay with disgust, "Let the pathetic Para tend it's fledglings," he ordered. "In his cell!" Then he turned to Chakotay, "You have an hour…than you talk or things will become much, much worse for them…you understand?"

Chakotay simply nodded yes, his eyes filled with tears. Then he was taken back to his cell were he now waited for Greg and Geron to arrive. He was given clean bandages and fresh water, which he refrained from drinking, no matter how thirsty he was. //You don't deserve it,// he told himself. 

Greg was the first one brought to him on a stretcher; it seemed that WaJek was showing some form of kindness, but it didn't faze Chakotay as he looked at Greg's thin, broken, and scared body. When his friend was placed down and the cell door closed he moved over next to him, using one of the clean cloths to wipe the blood way from the fresh wound on his head. Greg was unconscious, and for this Chakotay was grateful. He cleaned him up and took care of Greg so he would rest peacefully. 

Then Geron was dragged in, wrapped in only a blanket, which was more than he usual had. He was tossed toward Chakotay, and when the door was closed, the young man cried as he collapsed into Chakotay's arms, no longer able to stand. "Captain," was the only coherent word that could be mad out. Chakotay wrapped him up and gently pulled him fully into his arms. "Shhh," he soothed. 

"I…I…don't want you to talk…" 

"Shhh, I'm going to take care of you," Chakotay said calmly, for all his tears were now gone, his eyes clear as he beamed warmth to the young man in his arms. "I'm going to clean you up, and help you to get to sleep, like Greg," he said, pointing with his head toward Greg. "See how he's resting, soon It'll be you…no more pain, I promise. It all ends now," he vowed calmly. 

"No more?" came the timid voice sounding more like a child. 

"No, no more, Teyo," Chakotay said. [Bajoran for my little one]

He continued to rock Tem until the young man cried himself half way asleep, then Chakotay laid him down on the blanket and cleaned him up, using soothing strokes, to sooth the young Bajoran's body. Soon, Geron was asleep, and Chakotay knew the guards would be here soon. "No more pain, Teyo," Chakotay whispered, and using the same blanket he used for Greg, he gently covered Tem's angelic face with it, burning it forever into his mind, and gave him the peace he deserved. "Now, they can't touch either of you again." He watched as life seeped out of the once beautiful young man, tears falling for the loss of such a wonderful spirit, but it what was needed if he was to keep them from anymore harm. When the light of life sparked out of the young body before him, it also faded from the soul that was left behind. 

When the job was done, he placed Geron gently next to Greg, and covered them, making them comfortable, and cleaned them up even more. //They had been through so much, they should be pampered.// he thought, as he had stopped crying what fee tears he apparently had left and calmly went about his task. When he was done he didn't use the water for himself, //You're not worthy of it!// he told himself and placed it aside. Then he sat and kept watch over them. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe,” he said softly as he double tucked the blanket over Geron’s chest. 

Soon the door opened and he stood. He had briefly thought of giving himself peace, but again he was undeserving of it…he had failed those under his care. He stood and kept his eyes level when WaJek walked in, for any light that was in his eyes were now long gone, smothered with the light of the lives he had taken. 

"Are you ready to talk?" WaJek said smuggle. But when Chakotay simply shook his head no, he became furious! Take those two to the pit!" he screamed. 

"Leave them alone!" Chakotay shouted, blocking the way of one of the guards, but in his current weak condition, he was no longer a match for them and was tossed to the ground. 

The guards grabbed Geron first, and it was then that they noticed. "Sir…he’s dead!" 

"So is this one!" another guard said, referring to Greg. 

"You can't hurt them anymore," Chakotay whispered triumphantly, as he wiped the blood from his mouth. 

WaJek gabbed Chakotay up by the neck, "You lecherous Para!" He growled 

"Fuck you." 

"I grow weary of your voice, but it will be some time before I grow weary of your screaming! You want to take their place…so be it!" he shouted and tossed Chakotay into the arms of his guard. WaJek pulled a dagger from its sheath and marched up to Chakotay and as the guard held the human, he pulled out Chakotay’s tongue, and held the blade long enough so the last thing this alien would taste was steel, then cut it off!

Chakotay screamed as he fell to the floor in pain, then he began choking on the blood. He was barely aware that he was being dragged down the hall, were WaJek pulled a torch from its post and, while the guards continued to hold him down, he cauterized the wound by shoving the fire in his mouth…Chakotay screamed and then blacked out. 

 

**********

Tom looked like shit. He had to be sedated three times, this last week alone, for he refused to sleep. 'Not until Chakotay is back safe and sound,' he said over and over again. Everyone knew he was taking the kidnapping of the landing party by the militant rebels personally, and reminding him that he was lucky not to be with them only made things worse. For Tom was convinced that he could have been or would be of some help if he was with Chakotay, were here he felt totally helpless. 

He was constantly told that all of them were all right, for Chakotay was with them, and he could deal with anything. The faith the crew had that Chakotay would pull Greg and Geron through was all that kept Tom sane. But he was still going mad from not knowing for sure. 

After a month of one dead end after another, they received a break! The local authority received a tip that the rebel militants were held up in a tiny out post, hidden on a segment of land that prevented any scans what so ever. Tom had suggested looking in these locations first, only to discover there were thousands of them all over the Jupiter size alien planet. 

They arrived at a fairly sturdy stone structure, over half of the building underground. It looked abandoned, and Tom felt his heart sink, but he moved in slowly with the security team some hope that they would at least find something. Things were not looking good, for scanners didn't function down here and the search was long and slow. Then Tuvok found a scrap of shirt…red…StarFleet material. 

Tom's heart jumped into full gear, as he moved faster, searching the area for clues to where his love was. So far they didn't run into anyone, and he was beginning to think they were too late and the bastards were long gone. 

"Wait," Tuvok said in a hushed tone. Everyone stilled and seemed to hold their breath. "I hear…movement…this way," Tuvok states and leads the party downs a long dank stone hall. 

Tom winches as does some of the other officers as they pass a torture room, the floor covered with large amounts of dried blood. Tom feels like throwing up as the stench assaults his nose, but then he is distracted from this thought as he too hears a noise, coming from a cell up ahead. He moves his way up with Tuvok as they approach the wooden cell door. The door has been jammed shut, and the tiny slot were one could feed a prisoner or look in on them, was also sealed up. "Stand back," Tuvok orders as he adjusts the setting on his phaser. 

Tom watched as Tuvok skillfully cuts off the bindings off the door and together they remove it and their senses our assaulted with another foul stench. They use their lights to search the area and they both light up a thin figure that instinctively cover's his face. 

"Cha!" Tom shouts with joy and heads in, but is stopped as he ducks the flying rocks suddenly being thrown at him. "Cha…stop…it's me…Tom!" 

Tuvok pulls Tom back to his side, and with other wrist lights, he angles them to light the chamber. He spots the two still bodies in the distance, and by the smell he can tell they are dead. Chakotay's battered and haggard form indicates to Tuvok that he was constantly abused up until the last moment when his captures decided to entomb him in here. Then it was the wild look in the Commander's eyes that let Tuvok conclude that he would never know the depths of the horrors that occurred here, for there was no one left to tell him. 

Tom continued calling out to Chakotay, then to Greg and Geron. 

"They are dead, Lieutenant" Tuvok stated in a soft tone, seeing that they were only upsetting the Commander, who now paced in front of their bodies like a sentry, his eyes never leaving the doorway. 

Tom looked again, and the truth was there for the seeing. Greg and Geron had been dead for some time. He soothed his voice, "Chakotay, it's me Tom. It's going to be all right. You’re safe," he said, emptying his hands, and holding them outward, to show he was unarmed and meant no harm. At one point he thought Chakotay would start throwing rocks again or jump at him, but when the now frail man suddenly scurried away, afraid, Tom felt his heart break. Chakotay had never run from anything…especially him. 

It took ten minutes before Tom was close enough to see how much abuse Chakotay had been through. There was a huge scare on his throat, burns on his face, hands, chest…huge scabs from some kind of cuts all over his body and they were infected. "Oh heavens, what did they do to you?" he cried softly. He took another step and Chakotay bolted right past him to the otherside of the cell, though stumbling, and using the wall to for balance. Thankfully, Tuvok was faster then Chakotay’s reaction and used the neck pinch to subdue the frightened man. 

Tom was there to catch his love in his arms and noticed at once how much weight Chakotay had lost over the month he was gone, for even soaking wet he probably weighed less than Tom did. Tom lifted his love, for they couldn't beam out from here, and more tears of heartache fell down his face. All were silent as he carried his love out of the stone ruin that was to be his tomb, had they not found him when they did. 

When he reached a spot they had set up transporter boosters, he beamed aboard Voyager to sickbay. When he arrived, even the EMH, a hologram reacted with a gasp. Then he moved to help Tom move the unconscious frail form onto the biobed. 

"What did they do to him?" Tom asked, his voice in broken sobs. 

The Doctor's eyes went wide as he saw the list appear as he scanned the once healthy body of Commander Chakotay. Then he looked at Tom, knowing he was going to know sooner or later. "He has been repeatedly raped, beaten, burned, Electro-shocked, and in multiple area's skin has been flayed off. His tongue and vocal cords were cut out. I’ve also detected evidence that his eyes have been pulled out of their socket and replaced, this has caused major vision damage. Numerous bones have been broken and healed only to be broken again and healed. His brain chemistry is off the charts, for I’m detecting some sort of chemical I can’t begin to identify at the moment, so I can't begin to tell you what his mental condition is going to be like. Not until he becomes conscious.” 

"He didn't recognize me," Tom said, his voice barely above a whisper. 

The Doctor did his best to be reassuring, "I can repair most of the damage easily enough," he said, referring to the physical. "Did you have any luck with finding…" 

"They're dead," Tom replied in a horsed tone. He turned when he heard a gasp from behind him and he saw Janeway. 

It wasn't the news that she lost two crew members that did it, but seeing her friend and First Officer. She barely recognized him, he was so thin and battered and beaten. All she could do was stare as she walked up next to Tom, and listened to the Doctor reiterate Chakotay's condition. There was noting to say, and they would know no more until morning when the EMH would let Chakotay awake. 

All she could do was pull Tom into the Doctors office, for the EMH insisted that Tom not be present as he treated the Commander. The young pilot was already in a bad state, and the Doctor knew that seeing more of the injuries Chakotay had under the rags that served as clothing would make things worse. Tom and Kathryn sat silently in the Doctor’s office as the EMH went to work, and after a half hour, Tom broke down and cried. 

**************

Word had passed quickly through the tiny ship of Greg and Geron’s death and Chakotay’s near death condition, and a somber tone could be felt in the air as the entire crew waited for the news on whether or not Chakotay would live and be all right. 

What had been hoped to be a morning of news had been postponed until that evening. The Doctor reported that there were so many injuries that the scanner could not note them all, but he treated as many as he could. The ones that would be most challenging for him were going to be replacing the Commander’s vocal chords and his tongue, though he was confident with the organ cloning procedure, it would be only a matter of time. As to the Commander’s mental condition, it was unknown, for the EMH still couldn’t tell what was given to the man to cause such unusual effects. He decided that for now it was best if the Commander remained unconscious, until all the physical wounds were taken care of…the Captain agreed, much to Tom’s disappointment, but he too understood the reasoning behind it. 

Hours turned into days as the slow transformation of the frail broken haggard body started to resemble the man that left the ship a month ago. Tom was doing only slightly better, having requested sickbay duty, only so he could be near Chakotay. Each day he saw more and more of the man he had been with and loved for the last three years return to him, and today the doctor was going to allow Chakotay to wake up. 

Tom felt a supportive hand on his arm as Janeway stood next to him, both holding their breath as they watched the Doctor administered a light stimulant to counter the sedative that would allow Chakotay to wake up. It was painstakingly slow as the Commander started to move. Then he slowly started to open his eyes, they were unfocused and closed them immediately, as his hands came up to cover them. 

“Lights twenty-five percent,” The doctor ordered. “It’s okay, now Commander. I’ve lowered the lights.” 

Chakotay’s arm didn’t moved immediately, but slowly it moved down and he blinked a few times, as if becoming use to the fact that he could see again, which he was, for the damage over the month had nearly blinded him. 

“Commander, how do you feel?” The EMH asked. 

“Doc, he wasn’t able to talk when he went under,” Tom stated. 

There was a glance in his direction when he spoke, as dark eyes took him in, though there still seemed to be no recognition. Then they looked around, not responding to anything or anyone at the moment. 

“Cha…” Tom said. “You’re back on Voyager. The Doctor has healed ‘all’ your injuries, even your voice. Cha…? Can you hear me?” Tom pleaded, as he was still being ignored. 

“Give him time, Lieutenant,” Janeway said softly, hoping that was the case. “We can’t imagine what he’s been through; let’s just give him some time to adjust. 

Tom nodded, and rested a gentle hand on Chakotay’s arm; this got a response, but not one he wanted. Swifter than anyone anticipated, a fist flew into Tom’s chest, knocking him back and the now healthier body compared to the broken rag doll it had been was amazingly rolling off the biobed and crouched into a protective stance. 

“Commander, you’re on Voyager…Voyager!” Janeway said as she helped Tom from stumbling when he flew back. 

Chakotay’s eyes went wide and looked around, taking in everything as he had never seen anything like it before. Then he slowly stood up, looking at Janeway, Tom, and then the EMH. Then he simply sat down, his back to the base of the biobed, pulling his knees to his chest and started rocking himself. 

The sight of the strong First Officer reduced to rocking like a small child was soul shaking as Kathryn stared dumbfounded and Tom crouched down, tears stinging his eyes, as he looked up pleadingly to the Doctor for help or some answer as to why this was happening. 

The Doctor scanned Chakotay, “His chemical balance is off, and I hesitate to give him anything…not knowing what’s causing it.”

“You have to do something….you can’t leave him like this!” Tom protested. 

“I’ve already contacted the Salosian's and they could give me little information on the drug used on the Commander. Though they could tell me that the militant rebel forces have used it on their prisoners as a truth serum, but on a human…I don’t know,” The Doctor stated, his grief at failing in this matter was unusual, but present. 

Tom tried to move closer, and so long as he didn’t touch Chakotay, he could get next to him, but the slightest touch sent the man either sliding across the floor away from Tom or even more withdrawn. Tom hung his head in despair. 

“Time,” Kathryn said, as if it was the cure to everything. 

“I hope so, Captain…I hope so.” 

***************

Janeway left Tom to help the Doctor with Chakotay, and was glad she agreed with the healer to restrict visitors, for if the crew saw what she just did, it would crush them. Her hurt was transforming into anger and her sense of duty was quickly slipping into the human desire for revenge. She had been strong arming the Salosian Government over the past few days for justice for what had been done to her men, and they simply continued to apologize and say they were doing their best…well, it wasn’t good enough anymore. 

She stormed onto the bridge, “Get me the Salosian President,” she snapped and took her position in front of her chair, her hands firmly on her hips, and the steam boiling off her face. 

The older familiar face of the Salosian’s President appeared on the screen. She gave an understanding smile, “Captain, I’m sorry, but…” 

“It’s not good enough anymore!” She snapped. 

“Captain, we’ve done all we can…”

“President, let me make myself clear on this issue. We’re not leaving here until justice has been served one way or anther,” she grounded out, standing tall in her stance. 

The older woman’s green complexion grew darker, “Are you threating us?” 

“I’m telling you that if you can’t manage to bring these monsters in, we’ll take matters into our own hands. One way or another, someone is going to pay!” she hissed, her temper flaring in her eyes. 

The Salosian President was wise to simply nod then cut the channel. Kathryn found she needed to focus on her breathing to calm her self. 

“Captain, may I point out…” Tuvok started to say.

“No, you may not,” she snapped, her anger still with her as she whirled on her temporary First Officer. // only temporary, // she thought to her self, trying to battle the ever growing fear that Chakotay would never be by her side again. “You have the bridge,” she said in a tight voice and exited to her ready room. 

She sat in her chair looking at nothing, her mind replaying the scene of when she first saw Chakotay in sickbay a couple of days ago, and how he acted today, compared to the strong man that left here a month ago. Tears fell down her cheeks as she recalled their last lunch together, where her and Chakotay discussed how he was going to propose marriage to Tom, and how her impatience blew it out of the bag in their briefing…how it lead Tom to feel pressured…to their fighting down on the surface….

She lowered her head into her arms and laid her head on her desk and for the first time in a long, long time, she cried…really truly cried feeling the grief of the years overtake her. After a while she pulled herself together, as best she could, and wiped her cheeks. //if this is affecting me this way, I can’t imagine how Tom…? // It took a moment longer for the thought to clear in her head, “Janeway to Harry. I believe you are needed in sickbay,” she stated as calmly as she could then closed the com channel when Harry confirmed her order. 

She sat back, staring out the view, never feeling as old and useless as she did at this moment. Two of her crew was dead, murdered, and her best friend and First Officer was…was what? //hurt,// was all her mind would allow her to consider at the moment. “Time,” she said to her self, over and over again, as if the word itself held magical properties, for in truth that was all they had. 

*************

Harry had shown up in Sickbay as ordered, knowing he was here to lend Tom moral support, and was surprised that he had to wait until his orders from the Captain were confirmed before the Doctor would let him in. But once inside, and told that what ever he witnessed in here stayed in here, and then saw Chakotay…he understood way. 

Seeing the Maquis warrior looking as frail as a child and rocking himself totally withdrawn was spiritually crushing, for he always had looked up to the Commander as the unstoppable ‘Mystic Warrior’. That could not apply to the man before him, next to Tom… His mind then shifted to his best friend, and he could see the pain and anguish this was causing him. Especially after having nearly tossing a wonderful relationship aside over the fact that Tom idolized this man too much, and was having difficulty simply accepting him as a man. Now…? “Tom?” he said softly. 

Tom looked up, the weariness in his blood shot eyes. He gave Harry a half hearted grin that was far from his eyes and held up a hand to get help up. When Harry took his hand and pulled him up, he was immediately pulled into the arms of his friend for a hug. Then Harry pulled Tom to the Doctor’s office so they could talk. 

He sat Tom down on the couch and sat close, a comforting arm around his shoulder. “What’s going on, Tom?” 

It took Tom some time before he could find the words, for it was all too much for him, but he needed to talk to someone. “They hurt him,” he said in a voice that sounded like a lost child. “They broke his body and it seems they…he didn’t recognize me, Harry,” he cried. “He ran from me…me? Afraid…afraid…heavens they made him afraid! This man who stood up to the fucking Borg now is more timid than a mouse, and he still doesn’t recognize me!” 

Harry was having difficultly believing this, but having seen Chakotay, thin, pale, and his eyes distant, it was becoming horrifyingly real. “What…what did they…do to him?” he asked, not sure if he wanted to really know, but there had to be an explanation for the First Officer to be like this…there had to be. 

“Spirits, Harry, what didn’t they do to him,” Tom replied in anguish. “I can’t even believe he’s still alive after all they put him through, and that’s only what we could tell from the wounds on his body. Then there’s the damn drug in his system that’s messed with his mind…Oh, Harry what am I going to do? How can I help him when he doesn’t even respond to me?” 

Harry didn’t have any advice, for this was a medical issue, and if the Doctor was stumped…//faith.// “Chakotay would tell us to have faith,” he stated. 

Tom suddenly looked up at Harry and took in what his best friend said. Then he gave a weak smile that actually reached his eyes, “Yes, he would. He’d say, be patient, have faith, and stay strong and things will work out as the spirits deem fit.” 

Harry smiled in remembrance of how Chakotay would say just that brightened the darkness that the vision of the man moments ago had created. He gave his friend a reassuring hug, and then moved off to get Tom something to eat, for he knew if he didn’t force the man, he’d starve. As he got up from the couch he looked at his weary friend, “I’m here with you every step of the way, Tom. Together, we’ll have Chakotay back on the bridge and you bitching about how over perfect he is in no time.” 

Tom’s weak smile was still that, weak, “I’d settle for having him back,” Tom said, in a soft prayer. 

*************

Over the next two day’s Tom was sure they were making progress, for Chakotay would eat, if no one was within ten feet of him, and it was a start. The other day the EMH had to sedate the man and use IV fluids and nutrients to keep the Commander’s delicate health from failing even more. 

Though the soup was cool, Chakotay could eat it, and it was on the right track to getting him back on solid foods. And to make it easier on both Chakotay and Tom, they mixed all the additional vitamins supplements into the food, for Chakotay still wouldn’t let anyone near him. 

Tom watched as Chakotay would snatch up the bowl like a timid child and then scurry to a corner, huddle there, and eat. Tom noticed that Chakotay spent most of his time awake in the corner. The EMH had suggested restraining him to the biobed, but Tom persisted that would only make matters worse. They needed Chakotay to trust them, and holding him down was not the answer. 

Today, while Chakotay ate his meal in the corner of the far side of sickbay, Tom sat with Harry in the Doctor’s office, for neither of them wanted to watch, it pained them too much. 

They had been reminiscing about Chakotay, all the thoughts that warmed them, about how strong he was, and his resilience, and how he stood strong in the face of diversity time and time again, sure that he did so down on the planet. 

Just mentioning the planet got Tom’s eyes to spark with fury. Janeway was pushing the Salosian's Government and they had little to go on after all this time. Harry said that she even went so far as to send a phaser blast near the site the away team was found, and was heard mumbling about taking down a city if they didn’t get things into gear. 

“Just let me get my hands on them…” Tom growled. 

“I know how you feel, but Chakotay would want the court to handle this. He’s a man of peace, and he respects other’s culture and their ways of dealing with things. I’m sure he’d want that here…now.”

Grudgingly Tom rescinded, “Yeah, your right, I guess. But still, I want to slowly strangle the life out of who ever….errr!” He growled. 

The Doctor stepped in his officer, “Congratulations, Lieutenant,” he said with a pleased smile. 

Tom looked up puzzled, “For what?” 

The EMH looked at Tom, “For getting the Commander to eat at the table,” he stated. It was clear that this was news to the two young officers as they hurriedly got up and looked in on the Chakotay. 

He was sitting properly at a table, using the utensil, no sign of the wild child that was there moments ago. Tom moved in slowly, unsure how long this calm would last. He moved until he was in sight of Chakotay, and when dark eyes shifted and looked at him…him, Tom grinned. “Hey,” he smiled and laughed, holding back the stinging tears he felt. 

Chakotay looked at him a moment, as if processing his thoughts then he gave a smile, not his best, but a real smile. “Hey, yourself,” he said in a clear even voice. 

The EMH was glowing as he moved in and scanned Chakotay. He still didn’t like the readings, but this was a step in the right direction. “I’ll let the Captain know,” he grinned. 

“Let me know what?” She said as she walked in, knowing that Chakotay usually was done eating about now, also not wanting to see him that way, but wanted to check up on her friend. 

The EMH was smiling, as was Tom and Harry. She noted that Chakotay was sitting at a table, and smiled. The EMH was about to say something when Chakotay stood up, “Captain?” he said, looking as if he was ready to stand at full attention any moment. 

She glowed at seeing her friend standing before her, looking at her, ‘talking’ to her. “It’s good to see you doing better, Commander.” 

Chakotay blinked at her as if puzzled, “Commander?” 

Tom suddenly looked concerned, “Yes…Commander…”

“Lieutenant, give him time to adjust,” The EMH stated with a light scolding in his tone. 

Chakotay looked at Tom, and then the Captain, then he nodded like it all was clear to him, “Of course, I understand,” he said sadly. Then he took in a deep breath, let it out, and faced the Captain. “When ever the Doctor clears me for duty, I’m ready,” he stated like a true officer. 

All smiled at this, but Tom. His gut told him something was not right here, but his heart wanted this to be, so he was quiet about it.

Harry smirked, “That sounds just like the Commander we know and love,” he stated. 

Chakotay gave a half grin, his eyes looking grief filled at Harry’s comment. “With permission, Captain, I’m feeling a little tired, permission to sit?”

“Commander, you don’t need my permission, sit,” she grinned, as the joy of seeing her friend doing well filled her. 

“I’ll get something for you to drink, Cha,” Tom said softly as Chakotay sat down. 

“What did you say?” Chakotay asked. 

“I said I’d get you something to drink,” Tom repeated, and moved to the replicator. 

“Doctor, how soon before I’ll be fit for duty,” Chakotay asked.

“Well, Commander, we should have you up and back…” he said while scanning, “a week or so. I still don’t like some of these reading I’m getting. But I don’t see why you can’t take that time off in your quarters.” 

“Thank you, I would like that,” Chakotay replied, no sign of argument. 

“Here you go,” Tom said, handing him some water. 

Harry was next to the Captain, both getting ready to head back to the bridge, since things were starting to work out down here. “I’ll catch you two later,” he smiled. 

“Captain, I’d still like time to help look after Chakotay,” Tom asked. 

“You going to perform the…what’s it called again…the Ra-pah-qute, for him?” Chakotay asked casually, though his eyes still held the pain of loss in them. 

This of course got everyone’s attention, but it was Tom that spoke first. “Chakotay, is something wrong?” When the dark eyes looked up at him, like he was crazy, Tom knew now his gut was right. 

“Tem, this isn’t funny. You may be young, but even you know better than to disrespect the dead,” Chakotay replied firmly, though not harshly. 

“Tom,” Tom said to correct the Commander, figuring that Chakotay had made some kind of slip. 

Chakotay looked even more pained, “Yeah, talk about a double tragedy,” Chakotay replied, finishing his water and stood up. “I know we weren’t close, but perhaps, Tem, we should consider the Ra-pah-qute for him too; I’m sure Chakotay would have wanted that, along with our traditional ways as well.” Then Chakotay moved toward the replicator, “with permission, I’d like to get changed,” he asked. 

“Perhaps not so fast,” the EMH said, trying to maintain a neutral mask as he moved next to Chakotay scanning him again. 

“Is something wrong?” Chakotay asked, noting the stares he was getting. 

“Humor me, Commander,” the EMH replied while scanning. “For the record, state your name.” 

Chakotay gave a wry look, “Greg Alaya, why? Your not going to tell me that some alien has replaced me or something crazy like that are you?” he smirked. 

“No, I don’t believe that is the case. Though I do think I will be postponing your departure for a little while longer,” he stated to his patient. “In the mean while, why don’t you use the shower and clean up…Commander.”

“That sounds good,” Chakotay replied. “I’ll see you later, Harry, Captain,” he nodded. Then he looked at Tom, “Geron, you’ll join me for dinner right?” 

Tom stared for a moment, then simply nodded, and watched his love walk off to take a shower. Then he turned to the Doctor, “Just what in the name of all that is holy is going on?” he asked, his voice low but tight. 

The EMH looked at Tom coolly, “I’d say it was obvious. He’s having a server identity crisis. He’s replaced Lt. Alaya with himself and Geron Tem with you, Mr. Paris. So in his mind, it was Commander Chakotay and Tom Paris that died down on the planet.” 

“But why would he do that?” Janeway asked, not understanding how this could occur. 

“I can’t tell you why, only that he has. It may have to do with the readings I’m receiving, but until I know more about them, I’ll keep him here and have Commander Tuvok speak with him and see if he can give me any insight into this matter.” Seeing the disappointment in everyone’s face, “Look at it this way, he’s fighting his way back, and any step forward is better than none.” 

“Your right,” Tom replied, holding onto those words as tightly as he could. Then he closed his eyes, for the mention of Greg and Tem brought back the fact that they were still in stasis coffins. “He’s right, though. We should perform the perspective rights for Greg and Tem, not only to aid in their death, but help the crew deal with their grief as well.”

“Very insightful, Lieutenant.” the Doctor stated. 

“Why didn’t he correct us earlier, when we were calling him Commander?” Harry asked. 

“He did…sort of,” Janeway replied. “It makes sense now. Why he said that…if Chakotay passed on, Tuvok would move up in position and rank. Thus Greg would too, becoming a Lieutenant Commander.” 

“Well, at least his reasoning skills are in tact,” Harry replied, regretting his words, at the harsh look Tom was giving him. 

Janeway interjected, “Tom, if you can handle it, I’d like you to stay and help the doctor, but don’t force yourself…take a break anytime you need it.” 

“I am, and I will, Captain. As you said, it’s only a matter of time.” 

**********

“My mind is your mind. Our minds are becoming one…” Tuvok was saying the next afternoon, as the Doctor and Tom stood silently by. There had been no reasoning with Chakotay that he was anyone other than Greg Alaya. The trio had conversed and a mind meld was suggested in order to find out what happened down on the planet and what was currently going on inside Chakotay’s head. 

“Our minds are one,” Tuvok said, then there was silence…then his face contorted in pain, his eyes looked confused. “Pain…darkness…” his breathing was becoming ragged. “Don’t belong…you don’t belong here…” he said, and then suddenly he jumped back, his eyes wide, the contact broken. 

The EMH caught Tuvok as he stumbled to keep his balance and get his bearings, while Tom caught Chakotay who fell off the biobed unconscious. “What happened?” Tom demanded. 

“The link was severed,” Tuvok stated, doing his best to control his breathing and stand with the aid of the EMH. 

“How is that possible?” The Doctor asked, after he was sure the Vulcan was going to be all right. 

“I am not totally sure. As I entered, there was a lot of pain lingering everywhere, and darkness. I couldn’t ‘see’ anywhere, as if the Commander’s mind is either being blanketed or in a void. I moved forward and heard voices…several…all different, telling me to go away. Then suddenly the vision of a Salosian dagger appeared along with the words, you don’t belong here, and the connection was severed.” 

“So what does this mean?” Tom inquired, looking at the EMH and Tuvok. He could see in their eyes that they didn’t know. The sound of a soft moan from his love took Tom’s full attention. “Easy,” he soothed as he help the older man up to the bio bed. 

When Chakotay looked up and then looked around, his dark eyes rested on Tom, and did something they had not done in quite some time, they sparkled, “Tom,” he smiled brightly, his voice soft and gently. 

Tom looked at Chakotay and smiled at being recognized for who he was. “You…you know me?” he asked tentatively. 

Chakotay gave almost a boyish laugh, “Of course I know you. Your Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, who else would you be?” 

Tom was about to hug the man when Tuvok stepped forward, an intense look on his face. “I like to know whom I’m speaking to,” the Vulcan stated. 

Tom was about to reply when Tuvok held up his hand indicating he needed to be silent now. Tom then looked at the EMH, some form of understanding was showing in his eyes…Tom didn’t like this one bit. 

Chakotay gave a soft laugh, “Commander you know who I am,” he smiled. 

“Are you Greg Alaya?” Tuvok asked. 

Chakotay gave another soft laugh, “No, Commander, I don’t think so,” he smiled warmly. 

“Chakotay?” Tom said, hoping, but the sparkling look in Chakotay’s dark eyes suddenly turning into great sadness, told Tom, what the Doctor and Tuvok had suspected. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss, Tom. He tried, I know the Captain did his best,” the soft voice replied. 

There was only one person that continuously called Chakotay Captain, “Geron?” Tom said, unsure.

The dark eyes sparkled again, “See, I told you guys knew who I was,” he laughed sweetly. Then he took a small sigh. “I’m hungry, is it okay if I get something to eat?” 

“Geron, can you tell me where Greg is?” Tuvok asked, as he arched a brow, testing a theory. 

“Oh, he’s around. You guys don’t need him anymore, and…it was dark in there…so I asked if I could come out…you don’t mind do you?” 

“No, Ensign, we don’t mind,” the Doctor said softly. “Yes, please help yourself to some lunch,” he offered and waited until Chakotay was out of hearing range. “I never thought I’d see anything like that.”

“Like what? What’s going on?” Tom demanded.

“The simplest way to explain it, Lieutenant, is that Chakotay’s mind has shattered…literally. The different parts taking on their own identity, such as Mr. Alaya, and Geron Tem causing a form of split personality.” 

Tom stood silent for a moment, “so…what do we do about it?” 

“The only thing we can,” Tuvok replied. “We discover how many parts the Commander’s mind has shattered into, and gather them like pieces of a puzzle. Once they are gathered, we can start the process of putting them back together.” 

“How long will that take?” Tom asked with great concern for his lover. 

Tuvok looked at the EMH, then at Tom. “It difficult to say,” he started to say. 

“It could take weeks, months…years, possibly never,” the Doctor said, looking pained himself at having to tell Tom this. 

“Never?” Tom whispered. 

“Mr. Paris, the mind is an unusual area to deal with. There is no telling how much damage was done that caused this extreme reaction. The key here is not all on our doing. We can seek out the various fractions, but in the long run, it will be up to Commander Chakotay to pull himself together again. So long as he resists, there is little else we can do. 

“So, you’re telling me that Chakotay is…insane?” 

“Sanity is a relative term here. He has taken on different personas and in his mind each one is sane, to the extent that we have seen. But we have not see all that there is to see,” the EMH replied. He turned to Tuvok, “by any chance did you get an idea of how many voices there were?” 

“Why is that important?” Tom inquired, a feeling of panic edging over him. 

“More than two, but less then six…my time was limited,” Tuvok replied. 

“Perhaps another mind meld would let us know more?” Tom suggested. 

“I could try again,” Tuvok replied. 

“What is most fascinating is that when Greg was the main persona, he was unaware of there being a problem, but this one…Geron, he seems to be aware of the multiple personalities. Why not ask him?” the EMH suggested. 

“Here’s your chance,” Tom stated, seeing Chakotay returning with a cup of Tem’s favorite soup. 

“Ensign, would you do me the favor and answer some questions for me?” 

“Sure, if I can?” Chakotay replied sweetly as he hopped onto the biobed, and let his feet dangle like a young man. 

“You said Greg didn’t want to come out…” the Doc started. 

“No, I said since you didn’t need him anymore, I asked if I could come out,” he replied easily. 

“Okay. Is there anyone else in there? In the darkness?” the Doctor asked. 

Chakotay’s face looked upset, and nervous, “I’m not allowed to talk about that.” Then he changed the subject, “Tom, you were going to show me your latest program… do you think we could see it later?” 

“Ah, sure Geron,” Tom replied, not feeling comfortable about this. 

“Ensign, what do you last remember…about you and the Commander?” 

Chakotay’s eyes looked sad and pained, “You mean before he died?” 

“Yes. Just exactly how did Commander Chakotay die?” 

“WaJek killed him,” he said in a pained voice. 

“Was this before or after you were hurt?” Tuvok asked. 

“Oh, the Captain didn’t let them touch me. He took it all himself,” he said, a few tears building in dark eyes. “He wouldn’t let anything like that happen.” 

“I see,” Tuvok replied. Then he turned to the EMH and Tom, “I will think on this matter and then will submit a report to the Captain along with any treatment suggestions,” he stated coolly. Then with a nod, he left sickbay. 

Tom just stood there, not knowing what to do, even the Doctor looked lost. “Why don’t you get some rest, Tem” he said soothingly, not knowing what else to do. 

“Okay, Tom,” Chakotay replied sweetly and laid down and curled under the blanket Tom placed over him. Tom started to move away, “Tom?”

“Yes…Tem?”

“Do you think they’ll catch him?”

Tom thought a moment, “WaJek?”

Chakotay only nodded yes. 

“I hope so…I really hope so. But not just yet, But don’t worry, your safe here,” Tom said lovingly. 

Chakotay shifted easily, “I know,” he quipped, “He wouldn’t let anything happen,” he added and then closed his eyes, and amazingly was asleep in seconds leaving Tom and the Doctor alone with this latest addition to the puzzle. 

**************

Only the senior staff was informed of the extent of Chakotay’s condition, the rest of the ship informed that he was still physically ill. No one thought it a good idea to mention that the Commander was considered legally insane would set well with the crew, since it wasn’t setting well with the senior staff. 

“The only good thing I’ve heard today was that they managed to catch some of WaJek’s men. They are projecting another week at most before they have that…excuse of a leader in custody,” Janeway stated. 

“I have taken some time to review the Salosian's law,” Tuvok added. “According to their criminal law, there must be a witness to the crime when a victim is involved or no crime has been committed.” 

Tom glared, “What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying that even if they catch all that were involved they are going to demand a trial, at which a witness or one of the victims must testify. There is no witness but Commander Chakotay and since he is in no condition to testify…”

“They’d let him go?” Tom asked astonished. 

“Tell me that’s not true,” Janeway asked in a soft serious tone. 

“I can not. I am merely telling you what the Salosian's law dictates. If Commander Chakotay does not testify the trial will be dismissed and all charged let go.” 

“Captain, those bastards can’t be allowed to walk…!” Tom shouted, his anger starting to take hold of him. 

“I agree,” B’Elanna and Harry state in unison. 

Kathryn sat quietly for a moment, and then looked at Tuvok, “is there anything we can do? Anyway to get around this?” 

“So long as a witness or victim exists then the answer is no. Mental stability in this case would only hurt matters. Since the Commander is still alive, he is considered a witness, however, since he is declared not mentally fit…his testimony is invalid, thus the charged party walks.”

Tom growls, “It’s as if this WaJek knew this!” he snapped. 

“What makes you say that?” Harry inquires. 

“The Doc said chemicals were used that affected the mind, even if they work differently on the Salosian people. Also, I bet if Chakotay would have been killed, the law would be different…right?” he asked looking coolly at Tuvok.

“You are correct, Lieutenant,” Tuvok replied. 

Tom’s eyes focus inward for a moment, “I bet they tipped off the local authorities, so we would find Chakotay, knowing that so long as he lived, they were unable to be touched by Salosian law.” 

“But they sealed him inside that cell,” B’Elanna interjected. 

“I would concur with Lieutenant Paris’s hypothesis. They were long gone from that base before we arrived, and the appearance that they left Commander Chakotay for dead could very well be just that, an appearance. For as the Lieutenant has pointed out, so long as the Commander lives and is mentally unwell, they are untouchable by Salosian law,” Tuvok stated. 

“Then we just have to find a way to get Chakotay back to being mentally well,” Janeway stated as if it was as simple as ordering coffee from the replicator. 

“The Commander, under the persona of Geron has refused another mind meld,” Tuvok states. 

“He says the others would be angry, and when we press if as to who the others are…he clams up,” Tom adds, his own face pulled taunt, doing his best to control his emotions in this matter. 

“Why Geron and Greg?” Harry inquired. 

“Perhaps it’s his way of keeping them alive,” B’Elanna states in a heart felt whisper. 

“Though I do believe there is more to it than that, I would concur on the basis of that theory,” Tuvok replies. 

“So what do we do?” B’Elanna asks, wanting to do something to help her friend. 

“I am afraid that there is little anyone outside, the Doctor, myself and Lieutenant Paris can do. As it is, all we can do is provide the Commander with a safe environment in which to heal in, while attempting to locate all the missing fragments of his mind. It is in my estimate that there are more than two, but how many more is unknown. I can state from research that the fewer the number the higher the odds of the Commander’s recovery,” Tuvok replies. 

“What makes you say that?” Janeway asked, doing her best to remain professional, though she felt much like Tom did. A good portion of her wanted to level half the Salosian's planet…but she wouldn’t do that, so focused on dong what she could. 

“In the meld, I heard…voices…several. The persona of Ensign Geron mentioned the others wouldn’t be happy, which correspond with the one that attacked me.”

“Attacked you?” Janeway raised a brow. “I thought you said the link was cut?”

“At first I did believe it to be that simple, but as I meditated on the situation that occurred, I replayed the event in my mind. It was a deliberate attack to force me out of the Commander’s mind.” 

“Are you saying he’s dangerous?” she asked, not wanting what she knew what was going to be said spoken. 

“From my short observations of the personas of Ensign Geron and Mr. Alaya, I would say no. However, since I have no basis on which to judge the other fractures and personas’ I can not say. The Doctor has him on constant monitoring.” 

“Tom, how are you holding up?” Kathryn asks, seeing the weariness in her young pilot’s eyes. She couldn’t imagine how he felt, but she knew how hard she was taking this and she didn’t have to deal with it directly everyday, nor was it her fiancé. 

“As well as can be expected,” Tom smirked, trying to place the Paris mask of charm in place, but no one was buy today. “At least as Geron he recognizes me as …me. Strange, as Greg he call’s me Tem…I can’t figure that one out?” 

“Well, you don’t look anything like Greg,” Harry quipped, attempting to lighten the mood. 

Tom gave a weak smile, and then his eyes looked at Tuvok, “No, no I don’t. But in some ways, I do look a bit like Tem…about the same age…same build…” then he shook his head as if the idea just wouldn’t continue to flow. 

“A possible valid point, Mr. Paris,” Tuvok interjected. 

“Well, there’s nothing more we can do here. You two do your best, and the Commander’s health is still classified! I mean it, one word on the grape vine and heads will roll,” Janeway states coolly.

“I’ll be working the guillotine,” Tom adds also coolly, looking mostly at big mouth Harry and blurt it out B’Elanna. 

“The rest of you, I want you to find me a way to get the Commander the justice he deserves without his testimony! We’ve been here long enough, and I don’t intend to leave any unfinished business. Dismissed.” 

*************

Tom entered into sickbay, then to the secure part where Chakotay was being held and once the doors closed behind him he took a moment to look at the man he loved, wondering if he’d ever have him back…whole. 

Chakotay was sitting at a table, having been given some paper, glue, and other materials a child would have for arts and crafts, something to keep him busy, while the doctor attended other patients, and Tom could see the grace he connected to his lover present. Strong hands that could be so very gentle and delicate moving with precise precision as they did now placing a tiny piece of glitter where it was suppose to be. The look of determination and concentration on his Chakotay’s face was the same one he would get when working on any project, from reports to his next chest move. 

Tom saw the simple smile his love got when things made him happy, and his heart ached for that smile to be directed his way, but not from the boy that seemed to have taken his love’s place. Tom quietly moved in farther to observe what Chakotay was making. He noticed it was one of the more simple projects, make a Chinese lantern from paper and decorate it, but as usual, Chakotay took it to a new level. The complex patterns, made the paper seem to look like lace, and the silver glitter was delicately placed to give it a frost look, as if it was not just lace, but ice. Tom smiled, it was beautiful…then his eyes went wide when suddenly Chakotay trashed it, looking like he was about to cry. 

“Why did you do that? It was beautiful?” Tom asked, wanting to understand what just happened. 

“No it wasn’t,” the young voice, which Tom came to associate with Geron’s persona, replied. “I put too much glitter on the left tip…I was told to trash it, for it wasn’t perfect.’ 

Tom hesitated at hearing the word perfect. He gave a small swallow, “nothing is perfect, and it was beautiful just the way it was…”

“No!” Chakotay shouted in anger as he turned to face Tom. “You don’t understand!” The tone was deeper, no longer soft and gentle. “I am the perfect officer…he said so…and it must have been true! Thus all I do must be perfect or it’s a waste of time and space.” 

“Who said, Greg?” Tom inquired, not liking this, but he wanted to know what was going on inside Chakotay’s head. 

Chakotay’s anger eased as he relaxed, though his eyes were still dark with anger, “Why Chakotay did.” 

Tom felt like throwing up, for in truth, he knew it was him that placed this thought into Chakotay’s head just before…he was going to be sick. He just moved into the bathroom and vomited into the sink. //Shit what have I done!// 

“I’ve notified the Doctor, are you all right, Tem?” 

Tom simply shook his head yes, and tossed cold water on his face. He wanted to correct this man again, and let him know that he was Tom, not Tem, but he knew it would be no good. He stood up and wiped his face with a towel that he was handed. He turned to see warm eyes looking at him, //that fast?// he thought. “Thank you…Tem.”

“Any time, Tom. Are you all right?” Chakotay asked sincerely concerned. 

Tom wanted to shout no! No, I’m not all right, I want my lover, my friend and the man I was to marry back, but all he could do was nod yes and moved to sit down at the table where the trashed project laid. 

“Tom?”

“Yes?” he replied wearily. 

“Did they get him yet?”

“No, not that it will matter,” Tom muttered, forgetting himself.

“What do you mean, not that it will matter?” 

Tom turned and looked at the intense eyes that looked at him, “I…nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he said, trying to sway the subject. “Are you hungry?” he asked as he got up and headed to the replicator. 

“Tom…tell me.” 

Tom froze in his tracks, his back still to Chakotay, but the tone used in that one statement, made him stop. It was not Greg or Geron, and it sounded cold, menacing. Tom turned but all he saw was the warm concerned look of Geron, but Tom knew that was not who demanded to know. “Who are you?”

A sweet smile came to Chakotay’s lips, “Are we playing again, Tom? You know who I am.” Then Chakotay’s face looked concerned, a bit scared, “Tell me, Tom. Why won’t it matter?” 

For a moment Tom looked at Chakotay waiting for things to change, but they didn’t. He gave a cleansing breath, //must of imagined it,// he thought. “Look, Tem. The fact is…//how to tell him the truth…?// he thought. “The fact is that according to Salosian law that without Chakotay to testify no crime has been committed. So even if they catch WaJek, they’ll only let him go.”

Chakotay’s face looked pale, “They can’t do that! You can’t let them do that!” 

Tom moved to stand next to his love, “I want more than anything to see that bastard punished for what he did, but…we need Chakotay for that.”

Chakotay’s eyes looked moist as if tears were building up, “But he’s dead,” he sobbed. 

“Is he?” Tom said, wondering if he should push it like this. He was no psychologist, but then again, no one on board was either. The Doctor and Tuvok would do their best, but the only one with the most experience on board coming close was the patient himself. 

“Lieutenant Paris, I was notified you were ill,” the Doctor said as he walked in the secure area. 

“I’m okay, just nerves,” Tom replied, never taking his eyes off Chakotay, who seemed to become paralyzed at Tom’s direct question. From the corner of his eye he saw the Doc approach but he held up a hand to stop him, his gaze locked on to Chakotay. “Answer me, Tem. Is…Chakotay…dead?” 

“Mr. Paris…” The EMH was about to protest, but seeing the intensity between the two men, silenced him, thinking that perhaps Tom may get some results. 

Chakotay’s eyes looked hesitant almost frightened, then after what seemed like a small eternity, he broke the gaze and looked around, as if seeing if it was safe. Then he held up a finger indicating for everyone to be silent. Then he shook his head no and moved to the table and wrote a message…

[Not dead. But you won’t get him to come out and he won’t let him out anyway.] 

“Amazing,” the EHM stated, only to be glared at by both men. 

Tom turned to see Chakotay’s eyes closed, as if in a bit of pain. When they snapped open, the sweet warmth that was Geron’s persona was gone. “I’m sorry; Tem, but I have a headache. Perhaps we can talk later,” Chakotay stated and headed off to bed. 

Tom glared at the Doctor as if he had ruined everything. “You were told to be quite,” he snapped. 

“I only meant…”

“It doesn’t matter what you meant or didn’t mean. I think Geron was going to tell me something more about what is going on inside Chakotay’s head and you blew it!” 

“I’m sure the next time…”

Tom’s eyes narrowed, “One does not need to have a degree to take note, that they stopped him from talking. That’s why Greg is here and not Geron. They don’t want us to know. So I wouldn’t be placing any bets on when or if Geron will be back!” 

The EMH nodded his concession. “I see what you mean.” Then he moved to the table and picked up the paper, “At least we know he’s in there.”

“Yeah,” Tom said, looking at the paper over the EMH’s shoulder. “But I’m not too sure what bothers me more, the part where he won’t come out or the part that ‘he’ won’t let him.”

“Who’s he?”

“I was going to ask that…but…” Tom calmed himself. Then he looked at the paper again, his eyes remembering that moment minutes ago…the cold voice. “I’m not sure we want to know,” he added seriously. 

***************

Over the next few days, accept for the fact that Tom was still being referred to as Geron Tem, and Chakotay still thought he was Greg Alaya, all would seem normal. Chakotay was able to hold a normal conversation, and pass all the medical test the EMH gave him to test his capabilities. 

If they discovered any discrepancy of things that Chakotay knew and that Greg wouldn’t, Chakotay would only stare off in the distance for a moment and then compensate with a joke or suggest some logical reason how he knew what he knew. There was no swaying him from his belief or to get him to change back to Geron. 

Tom himself, however, was feeling the stress, and as he sat across from the man he had spent the last three years loving with all his heart and soul, he couldn’t take it anymore…he snapped. 

“You know, Tem. I really wish they’d let me out of here, I’m anxious to get back to work,” Chakotay said, as he sipped on his cup of soup. 

Tom stood up, grabs the cup and slammed it down on the table and grabbed Chakotay by the medical jumpsuit shirt and hauled him up to his feet, so they were now eye to eye. “Tom! My name is Tom Paris! I am not Geron Tem, and you are not Greg Alaya! Chakotay, I know you’re in there, and I want you to come back to me, now!” he shouted, as he jerked the body before him, tears of frustration starting to roll down his face. “Come back to me, damn it! I love you, and no matter what happened, we can work it out,” he cried, still shaking the puzzled man before him. 

The Doctor had just entered to witness this exchange and was floored, “Lieutenant! What do you think you are doing?” he demanded, as he moved quickly to separate the two of them. 

Tom allowed himself to be moved away, then he turned away toward the wall, trying to get a grip on his emotions, but his heart was breaking, and he felt helpless. 

The Doctor watched as a wide eyed Chakotay simply sat down and stared at Tom as the young man started to cry and sob, then slid down to his knees as if in defeat. The EMH moved toward the young pilot ready to offer some comfort, but was stopped with Chakotay’s next words. 

“Why are you crying?”

Tom heard the question and pulled himself together and turned to see a soft sweet, innocent, and young expression on Chakotay’s face. Tom wiped his eyes and with the Doctor’s help, stood up. The words were spoken with a soft innocents that both Tom and the Doctor knew that it was no longer Greg’s persona present at the moment. “Geron?” Tom asked softly, while trying to gather his wits about him. 

The dark brown innocent eyes before him looked puzzled at the word spoken by Tom, and this made Tom look puzzled at the EMH. Silently there was an agreement that Tom should proceed with the conversation. “My name is Tom; can I ask who you are?” 

Dimples shot out, and dark eyes sparkled with life and enthusiasm, and the older man’s movements were that of an excited child, “Chakotay,” he giggled. Then just like a child he focused on the person in front of him, a bit serous, “Why were you crying? Are you hurt?” he asked innocently. 

Tom looked at the Doctor, a mixture of happiness and confusion in his blue eyes, and then looked back at Chakotay. “Only in my heart, for you see, I miss someone who means a great deal to me, and I want them to come home.” 

“Oh,” the young voice replied, with empathy. “What’s your friend’s name?” 

Tom glanced at the EMH, and seeing that it was up to him, preceded with the truth, “His name is Chakotay too.” 

“Really?” the young voice giggled. 

Tom couldn’t help but give a small laugh, seeing his love giggling, for it was not something the big guy ever did. “Yes, really. Do you know him?” 

“I don’t know anyone else by that name, but I would like to,” the young voice replied eagerly. 

“How old are you?” The EMH asked suddenly. 

The young eyes turned toward the other man, “ten” he said easily. “How old are you?” 

“Well, technically I’m only…”

“Old,” Tom interjected, to keep the EMH from rambling on about things that would only sound confusing to a small child. “So, Chakotay, are you hungry?” he asked, not sure what to do next, for this was a whole new turn of events. 

“No, thank you,” he said softly, still smiling, no sign of any distress. 

“Do you know where you are?” The EMH asked, wondering if this persona knew what Chakotay the adult knew, similar to the Greg persona, or was aware like the Geron persona, that there was a mental division occurring. But Chakotay shook his head no, and still showed no sign of being bothered by this fact. 

“Aren’t you scared that your Mother and Father are not here with you?” Tom asked, taking notice as to the young’s lack of concern. 

“Why should I be scared? It’s not like anyone is going to hurt me,” he smiled easily as if it was a simple fact. 

“Why do you think that?” The EMH inquired. “I mean, you don’t know us, do you?” 

“No, but he won’t let anything happen to me,” the young voice replied proudly. 

“Who…who’s he?” Tom asked. 

Chakotay looked around, his dark eyes sparkling, and raised a finger to his lips, “Shh, it’s a secret,” he giggled. Then he looked up at the EMH, “What’s your name?” 

“Ah, Doctor. Most people call me either Doctor or Doc,” he replied. Then he looked at Tom, “If you two think you will be all right, I’m going to inform Mr. Tuvok and the Captain of our…latest guest.” Then he exited out of the room, leaving Tom and Chakotay alone. 

Tom sat there wondering for a moment what he should do, then not really knowing just went for what first popped into his head, “Do you know a Greg or a Geron?” he asked causally, wondering if the child like persona before him was aware of the other’s or not. 

“Mhmm,” Chakotay replied, while looking around the large room as if it was the first time ever he had seen it. “Can I draw a picture?” he asked when he spotted the paper and crayons not far away.

“Of course,” Tom said, as he moved and gathered the art supplies and brought them over to the table for Chakotay to have access to them. “So, what can you tell me about Greg and Geron, are they all right?” 

Chakotay had taken a large sheet of white paper and a dark blue-green crayon and started drawing, his attention on his paper, but still managed a “Mhmm.” 

Tom felt a bit relieved, with the affirmative yes, but was not sure what to ask next. He was concerned for the Geron persona, even if it sounded crazy. “What can you tell me about them? Geron for instance, what’s he like? What’s he doing now?” 

“He’s nice, gentle, and a real good guy, never hurt a soul,” the young voice replied warmly, as he continued on his drawing, not looking up at Tom. 

“So, what’s he doing right now?”

“I don’t know,” Chakotay replied easily. 

“Hmm, what about Greg, what’s he like?” 

This got Chakotay to look up briefly from his artwork. “He’s an officer,” he stated with pride. “He’s perfect,” he grinned, then went back to work on his drawing. 

“Ah…are there any differences between Greg and Geron?” he asked, thinking it would be good to establish this point. //Boy, sounding more and more like a shrink every day, Tommy boy, // he thought to himself. 

“Yes. Geron’s nice guy wouldn’t harm a fly, and Greg’s a great officer. He knows all there is to know about how to be an officer and what should and shouldn’t be done…things like that. What about you?” 

Tom took a moment to think about the simple description of the two personalities he was given, and sighed. He hoped the Doctor and or Tuvok would be able to make something of this information. Then he focused on the question he was asked, “I’m a pilot. I fly ships across the stars,” he smiled. 

Chakotay looked up at Tom his dark eyes still sparkling, “That sounds like fun. I hope to go into the Academy when I get older, but my Father doesn’t like Star Fleet.” 

“You know about Starfleet?” 

The young voice giggled again, “Of course, who hasn’t,” he replied. 

“Yeah, who doesn’t,” Tom replied with a half smile back, glad that Chakotay was transfixed on his drawing. “So…what you drawing?” he asked. 

“I don’t know,” Chakotay said with a half shrug while he continued to draw. 

“Can I see?” 

Chakotay looked up at Tom, and then down at his paper, thinking for a moment, “Okay,” he said and then handed over the paper. 

Tom was struck speechless when he saw the drawing, whether or not it was from the simple fact that ten year olds don’t draw this well, for the drawing was fantastic, or the fact that it was a picture of a Salosian with a dagger in it’s chest, throat, and ear. “Um…nice,” he stuttered. 

“Its not done,” the young voice replied innocently. 

“Oh? What more do you think it needs?” 

“More daggers, for one can not be too careful about monsters,” he said, the first bit of concern in his voice. 

Tom looked at Chakotay, and for a brief moment he saw fear, real fear in the dark eyes before him. “Your right, but your safe here…I’ll protect you.” 

This seemed to ease the young eyes looking in his direction, “Thank you. But ‘he’s’ with me, I’ll be okay. Can I finish my drawing now?” 

“Sure you can,” Tom replied as he handed the paper back, and sat back and watched Chakotay draw more daggers on the sheet before him.   
“Ah, who’s he?” But the young boy persona of Chakotay simply giggled and continued his work, not bothered by anyone or anything. 

*****************

“I believe I may have figured out the dynamics of what we are dealing with here,” the EMH stated, as he looked eagerly to the three officers’ in his office. “Commander Chakotay has divided up his own personality into what I am currently believing are four categories. There is Greg, the ‘perfect’ officer, though why perfection is a key word here, I can’t say, for the Commander was not normally so driven to perfection…” 

“It was the last thing I said to him,” Tom said softly, guilt filling his eyes and his voice. “I accused him of being the perfect officer. Somehow, that stuck.” 

Janeway reached over to Tom and placed a comforting hand, “Stop putting so much of this on your self,” she stated softly. “Go on, Doctor.” 

“As I was saying, Greg is the officer, taking up all the Commander’s official duties, as it were. Then there is Geron Tem. At first I thought he represented the innocent aspect, but with the appearance of the inner child…Chakotay, and the description that was given of Geron, I believe he represents the good or good values, that the Commander holds. Thus the reason he couldn’t lie to us or be lied too about what was happening around him. Then of course, there is Chakotay, as I said, the inner child, the innocent, untainted by events that have occurred, even if he is able to express some of the darkness inside, he is unaffected by it…kept naive and protected from its real meaning. Thus leads me to believe that the last one, is most likely the…protector.” He finished, with some hesitation. 

“How come I get the feeling you left something out, Doctor,” Janeway replied. 

“Well,” the EMH stated, but then with a nervous look confirmed that he did leave something out. “If the inner child is represented, and the duty, and the good guy, as it were, then that leaves the …not so good guy to do the protecting. The one capable of anything necessary to keep the other’s safe.” 

 

“Are you saying the other persona is a dangerous one?” Janeway inquired, finding it difficult to believe, but not closing her mind to the idea. 

“I think he’s right,” Tom interjected. “I thought I was imagining it, but when I was talking to Geron once, just for a brief moment, there was a change in his voice…it was cold, and calculated. And let’s face it, Chakotay was the leader of the Maquis, he had to be capable of all sorts of things if he was to win a war, and protect his people.” 

Everyone sat in silence for a moment. Janeway spoke first, “so, what do we do now? The Salosian Government has informed me that they have Wajek in custody and are demanding that we move to trial immediately. I have attempted to sway them to allow him to be prosecuted under our laws, but they won’t budge. That mean’s Chakotay has to testify, and that’s not possible, which means the bastard will walk.” 

“Don’t take this wrong, Captain. But as much as I want that scum of the universe to pay for what he did, I just want Chakotay back to normal,” Tom stated, his emotional exhaustion clear in his tone.

“I have considered the report the Doctor has supplied us with and I too believe that we are dealing with four personas in the Commander’s mind. I would normally suggest another mind meld to confront each of these persona’s on their individual territories, in hopes of bringing them together, but after the last attack, I would not be able to maintain the link and defend myself at the same time, since the Commander’s mind is strong, even under its current condition.” 

“Then what?” Tom asked. “Regular counseling could take years, if ever, to help him.” 

Tuvok took Tom’s plea into consideration as he sat back and steepled his fingers, “There is another possibility, but it would require a third party, and it would be dangerous, but not as much, as if I entered the mind meld alone.”

“I’m listening,” Janeway replied. 

“I believe that if a third party, someone the Commander trusts, were to enter forth, while I maintained the link, and concentrated on protecting the third party, they may be able to move forward and discover the missing pieces of our puzzle, that may aid us in reuniting the Commander’s mind.” 

“Okay, when do we do it,” Tom replied. 

“Tom, you’re exhausted,” Janeway interjected. 

“That maybe, but we all know it has to be me, not simply because Chakotay and I are lover’s but because I won’t sit around and let anyone else do it,” he snapped. “I’m tired of feeling helpless here. This way I can do something that just may bring him back to me, and Captain, I have to bring him back,” he added, his eyes pleading that he would be lost without his love in his life. 

“Okay, Tom, but tomorrow. Tonight you and Tuvok get some rest, for your both going to need it. I’m still going to stall the Salosian’s, for I’m not giving up hope of Justice being served or getting Chakotay back,” she replied, giving Tom’s arm a reassuring squeeze. “Until 0900 hrs, dismissed.” 

*************

The place was dark, like a void in space, and Tom felt a tinge of fear and anguish for the man he loved. He had never linked with anyone outside of Tuvok that one time, and this was totally a different experience. He knew when he looked at his hands and body, it was a mental projection he created to symbolize his mind, and so he knew he was not really walking through this void, but willing himself forward…but Tom couldn’t really concentrate on the particulars, he needed to find Chakotay…all of him. 

He moved slowly at first, not knowing which direction, if there was one, to move in, so he moved forward. Even in the vast silence, Tom could feel the coldness and the pain as if he could reach out and touch it and it would be solid in his hand. Tom was about to call out when he stopped, something was near and moving in the shadows, and Tom could feel it watching him. He turned around in hopes of seeing something, but all was too dark. “Is anyone there?” he asked, not knowing what to say. It remained silent. 

Tom stood still for a minute and then carefully moved forward again, edging his way through the darkness until in the distance he could see…a light. He moved toward that light as if to run, and in a flash he was there…the oddities of the mind. He stood on the edge of the light looking at what could be considered a bubble of reality, separated from the rest. Tom moved closer to the light and turned around, and in the distance he could spot another one farther off, but he wanted to check this one first. 

Carefully he turned around and stepped into the light and was amazed at what he saw; it was beautiful, trees, flowers, a babbling brook, and laughter in the air. Tom couldn’t help but smile, this place was safe, peaceful and it made him feel warm inside. He took a few more steps toward the laughter and from around a tree being chased by a wolf pup was a small boy, about the age of ten, with long dark hair, bronze skin and heavenly soft brown eyes…it was Chakotay.

The boy skidded to a stop as the pup jumped him and he laughed as he rolled on the ground, and then stopped when he looked up and saw Tom. “Tom!” the boy cried out in glee and pushed the pup aside and got up and ran to the older man and hugged him tightly. 

Tom hugged the boy back with all his heart, this was truly Chakotay’s inner child, and it loved him dearly. Tom did his best to keep from shedding tears, thought this was not a sorrowful moment, for his being here he could feel just how much the child loved him. “Are you okay?” Tom asked as he knelt down to be eye to eye with the boy. 

The young man to be smiled what Tom knew was Chakotay’s perfect smile and his dark eyes gleamed, “Yes, especially now that you’re here. Come, let me show you the swimming hole,” he replied, and grabbed Tom’s hand, and was going to drag him along when the Tom stood up and stood his ground. 

“Whoa, little chief,” he chuckled, though touched by the child’s enthusiasm. “I don’t have time to swim, I…I have to…find someone first,” he replied, not sure how to put it. 

The small boy looked a bit disappointed, but then like most happy children, he perked right up, “You’ll come back for the swim?”

“Count on it,” Tom promised, knowing that somehow he’d keep his word. 

“Okay,” little Chakotay grinned, and then ran off with the pup without a care in the world. 

//That’s it!// Tom thought. //No cares, no responsibly, nothing bad, innocent…that’s what this place is.// Tom looked around and suddenly took in the surreal aspect of it, for the colors were more vivid than what one would consider normal, and all was too perfect…but it was safe and just what a child would want, or a parent would want for a child. 

Tom turned back the way he came and stepped out of the perfect little world back into the darkness, and with another thought, he was next to the second ball of light, not quite as white as the first, but just as bright. Tom stepped forth and found an area that looked like Bajor, or what he recalled from pictures since he had never really been there. The grounds were lovely shades of green and golden brown, and there were animals, insects, birds, everywhere Tom looked. This place gave him a different feeling than when he saw little Chakotay’s world, that had been safe, this one felt…alive. 

“Tom!” a voice cried out. 

Tom turned around to see Geron, or the image of him, walking up to him, and hugging him, a warm and loving smile on his face. He looked the picture of health and wellbeing. 

“What brings you here, Tom?” the young man asked with joy to see a friend. 

“Ah…I was looking for everyone,” Tom replied, not sure how to answer that question. 

Geron’s face grew concern, “You should be careful, ‘he’ doesn’t like strangers,” the young man replied.

“Who doesn’t?” 

“Him,” Geron replied easily pointing skyward, as if referring to the heavens. 

“Does…him…have a name?”

Geron looked serious, “Not one that ‘I’m’ going to speak,” then changed the subject. “How did you get here?” 

“That’s not important, but if you won’t tell me about…him,” Tom points skyward, “then could you at least give me a clue as to where I can find the others?” 

Geron took a step away from Tom, seriously considering the question, and then sat down in the warm grass, contemplating his response. “I don’t know, Tom. It could be dangerous for you, and I…I wouldn’t want anything…”

“Geron, you yourself told me about the others, and I know I have to find them if I’m going to help Chakotay…please,” Tom interjected as he knelt down next to the young Bajoran, placing his hand on his shoulder. 

Geron looked around and gave a heavy sigh, then looked back at Tom and gave a half smile, “Okay. It’s the least I can do for the Captain, for I know how much he means to you and you to him.” Geron stood up and offered his hand to Tom, “Take my hand,” he said. When Tom stood up and did so, in a flash they were someplace else in this bubbled reality. “All I can tell you is that if you pass this way you will find most of what you are looking for, but please…please be careful of…him,” Geron gestures upward again. 

“Thank you,” Tom smiles with love as he hugs the young image of his belated friend. As Tom held him again in his arms the feeling of wellbeing flows through him again. //Life! That’s what Geron represents, not good or what ever the Doc had thought.// and as Tom thought about this it occurred to him that Geron did lie, when he acted as if Chakotay was dead, knowing he wasn’t. //Geron represents Chakotay’s spark of life,// Tom thought as he stepped back from the young man, and he was pleased to see how strong and vital it was, even if separate from the whole. Tom took this as a good sign, and stepped from this little segmented world back into the void. 

Tom moved along the void, still sensing the ever watchfulness of what lay in the shadows. From time to time he thought he could see a shadow of movement, but he couldn’t get close to it. He continued forward and saw a lone bridge, and it was not of the best construction either; it looked like an old fashion rope and wood crossing that was far from safe or steady. Tom moved to the chasm that the bridge crossed and could sense more than see the huge depth below it. Tom took a moment to adjust his eyes or his thoughts, and soon he could see in the shadow a lone area of ground, where the bridge led, and what looked like a large metallic box. 

Not sure what else to do, Tom carefully crossed the unsteady rope bridge and was relieved that he made it to the otherside, for there were moments where he could almost sense the danger of someone wanting to cut the rope, letting him fall. Tom was glad that he stepped on solid ground, even though in the back of his thoughts, he knew this was all perception, but he knew even perception counted here. He moved around the huge metallic box and found it almost solid, but Tom knew there had to be a way in, why, he didn’t know, but he knew. It took him a while before he saw the tiny chime, much like one on the ship and he pressed it. 

He was a bit surprised when a door much like the one on Voyager appeared and it opened. Tom stepped forward and entered into Chakotay’s office, where Greg stood, dressed in his uniform, looking every bit the ‘perfect’ officer. “How can I be of help, Ensign,” Greg said much like Chakotay would, with concern and true professionalism. 

Tom was a bit annoyed at the rank, but he let it go. He looked around, and having been in this office more time than he could count, he could easily pick out subtle differences. Chakotay was a good officer, but his office was never this neat or organized, and there was not a spec of dust anywhere. Everything was put up or away. Tom moved to a shelf he knew as new and noticed it was full of reports, and as he reached out to touch it, a strong hand grabbed his wrist, and Tom winced. 

“Those are not yours, please do not touch them,” Greg stated softly, though his grip was anything but soft, then he released Tom (or Geron which is who he saw.)

“Sorry, Commander, I…I just wanted to see them,” Tom replied as he stepped back and bumped into a chair. He stepped around the chair, taking in this place, trying to get a sense of it, and it was difficult, as if it was…real, not like the other places he had been. Tom then noticed that Greg quickly moved the chair pack the fraction of an inch that Tom had accidentally moved it when he bumped into it. 

“Again, Ensign, what can I do for you?” Greg asked again, still sounding much like Chakotay. 

Tom ignored him as he continued to feel out this place. //It ‘isn’t’ real, // Tom thought. //It’s an extension of some kind, that’s why it’s off on it’s on, // then Tom grinned as he looked at Greg. “I’m sorry; Commander, but I’ve changed my mind. I’m not ready to talk about it now. Sorry for bothering you,” and Tom turned and left. Once outside, he could feel the difference; for what lay inside was a world, like the others, but this one had been cut off from the whole, because it had been changed, where the others were left alone. Tom grinned, for he was beginning to see how this puzzle was formed. 

Slowly Tom made his way back across the divide, again sensing danger and even thought he saw a shadow on the otherside by the rope, but when he arrived on the otherside it was gone, and Tom felt he was safe once more. Then Tom closed his eyes and felt with his heart, wanting to find the core, the original or the starting piece of this puzzle. He felt cold winds blow past him and heard anguish cries in the distance, and the smell of blood in the air. When Tom opened his eyes he wanted to cry, for he was once again standing before the stone cell where he and Tuvok had found Chakotay. In his heart he knew that what he sought was behind this door, and that it was chained, barred, and locked tightly. Tom’s own anger started to fill him, and he moved forward and pulled on the chains, but they only rattled in his hands. 

//Remember Lieutenant, this is the mind, all things are possible if you believe, // a whisper echoed in the air. 

Tom recognized Tuvok’s voice, and understood. This time when he pulled on the chain, it broke easily in his hands, as did the locks and bars, yet he could not open the door. He pulled; he pushed, until he could tell it was locked from within. //He won’t come out, and he won’t let him out.// the words Geron had said to him in sickbay return and Tom felt more anger and anguish. He pounded on the door, “Cha, love, it’s me…its Tom! Please…please let me in,” he cried out with desperation. 

There was no answer as Tom leaned his head against the heavy wooden door. Tom hated this place, not only for all it represented, but for all the pain and anguish he could feel just being here, it was almost intolerable. Tom tried the door again, but it wouldn’t budge. Then he stepped back, a frantic look in his eyes. He then spun around and ran with determined intent, he had a plan. 

In a flash he was inside the segment world that contained Geron and stood before the young man, “Geron, I need your help, please,” he asked, his eyes looking determined as well as panicked. 

“What can I do?”

“Come with me.”

Geron looked at Tom as if he lost his mind, “I…I can’t do that. I…”

“Geron, you have too, for I can’t do this alone. Please, help me,” Tom pleaded. 

Geron stood looking at the older blond, and after a moment nodded, “Okay, but I’m not sure what I can do.”

Tom reached out and took the younger man’s hand, “Just come with me and trust me,” he said, and led the way. It was strange having Geron in the void with him, for the moment Geron stepped through; it seemed to Tom that the void was not so empty, even if it was only a feeling. 

Tom led Geron to the rope bridge, “Greg’s on the otherside, we’re going to need him too.” 

Geron was about to step forth when Tom stopped him, “No, we need him with us, not over there. So…” Tom smirked, “Give me a hand,” he said. Tom pulled on the rope of the bridge and started to pull, “Come on,” he panted, to young Bajoran. 

Geron looked at Tom as if he was a nut, but followed suit. “This is crazy, what do you think we’re going to do, pull the island here?” 

“Exactly,” Tom grinned, as he gave a hard tug and the tiny island that kept Greg’s portion of reality apart shifted. “See!” 

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Geron gasped, and he pulled harder along with Tom. 

//Lieutenant, I am losing control, you must hurry at what every you are doing,// Tuvok whispered. 

Tom and Geron were pulling, and as he did so, he noticed a figure on the other side. All he could see was a flash off a dagger, and he knew someone in here was going to cut the rope and bring Tom’s plans to an end. Thinking fast, and remembering what Tuvok said about all things being possible if he believed, he concentrated harder and before his very eyes the rope turned to durasteel. By the sound of metal hitting metal, he knew he had just acted in time. 

The movement of the island was slow, and Tom could feel the danger and knew that what ever part of Chakotay’s mind wanted this to end, would sooner or later find a way if he didn’t speed this up. Another idea struck Tom, and he focused hard, explaining to Geron that they could make a tractor bean to pull the island over and close the gap. At first it seemed like it wasn’t going to occur, but slowly the golden hue of the beam came into existence and the island was now moving faster than before. Tom felt exhausted, but knew he couldn’t stop now, for he may not ever get a second chance at this. It was during his mental break that he took notice, that things still proceeded just as fast without his help as it did with, //Geron?// 

Then Tom smiled to himself, he wasn’t doing this, well, he started it, but it was Geron…or Chakotay. That part of himself that wouldn’t let him die…his spark of life was strong and on a subconscious level fighting for existence. But Tom could still sense the danger, and now could sense that even Tuvok was getting tired, they needed help. 

“Geron, I’m going to get help,” Tom said as he stepped back from the young Bajoran. “Don’t stop concentrating,” he said, and dashed way, taking note that Geron hardly replied. 

Tom stepped into the fairy land, “Hey little Chief,” he smiled as the boy rushed him again. He hugged the boy tightly. “I need your help to save my friend. Will you help?”

“What do I have to do?” the boy asked sweetly. 

“Come with me.”

Tom saw the look of hesitation, “I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. Please, I need you help,” he pleaded, while holding his hand out. 

Slowly little Chakotay reached out and took Tom’s hand. “O…okay,” he said. 

Tom could see the little one was a bit scared, but admired the huge heart he saw that gave the little guy so much courage. Tom reached out and picked him up, and gave a smile at the thought of how it could just as easily be his and Chakotay’s child and the thought made Tom’s heart flutter with joy. But Tom focused and moved with the boy in his arms out of the segmented world, noticing that this was a hundred times harder than with Geron, which had rather been easy. 

In a moment he was standing next to Geron, who was looking tired, and Tom could sense why, there was much resistance, but now there was help. “Okay, all you have to do is hold Geron’s hand and focus on bringing that island over here. That’s were Greg is, and we need him too, if we’re going to get my friend, okay?”

“Okay,” the young voice replied and took Geron’s hand. The moment the two touched, Tom could sense a wave of…power…life…something ripple through him, and it felt good. He could sense the resistance was weakening, and Tom lent his streanght and soon the chasm was closed and Tom could see the split solidify. 

Tom took Geron’s hand who still had little Chakotay’s and headed to the large box and moved directly to the chime. “Okay, here’s the plan. I’ll ring the chime and we go inside, and give Greg a big hug, okay?”

Geron and little Chakotay looked at Tom as if he was talking gibberish, but nodded okay. They didn’t know that Tom just wanted them to connect, and he thought that Greg might put up a fight if they tried the subtle method. 

Tom rang the chime and when the door open he rushed inside, and as Geron and little Chakotay stepped in, he saw he was right, for Greg went for his com badge, asking for a emergency transport. Tom snatched the badge and pushed Greg into Geron and little Chakotay. 

The moment they all touched, another ripple of power…life…surged in the area, this time much stronger and Tom grinned with delight. The walls of the room melted and soon it wasn’t Chakotay’s office but his quarters, and the isolation that stifled the room was no longer able to be felt. Tom could see the room looked just like Chakotay’s with a shirt here and there, usually Tom’s as it was even here in Chakotay’s mind. 

Tom moved to where the three were hugging as if they were having a family reunion, and in a way they were. Greg recognized the other two, and when he turned he looked surprised, “Tom? What are you doing here?” 

Tom felt a tear in his eye, Greg knew him. “Were here to help get someone trapped free, and I need all your help,” he smiled. 

Greg looked at the other two as if he knew them all his life, and is some way he did, since it was all one person. They all nodded, and turned to Tom, “Okay, we’re with you.” 

Tom led them out the door and this time the void was no longer black, but a dark gray, what a sky would look like before a heavy storm was about to hit. The winds that blew past Tom felt alive, though chaotic, but anything was much better than the pain and anguish silence. 

Soon all of them were standing out side the cell, and Tom noticed how Geron and Greg shivered, //they remember this place,// he thought. Little Chakotay looked at the door with quite interest. 

“He’s inside, but I can’t get him to open the door. I thought that together we could…try to get him to come out,” Tom said in a tired voice, his energy was becoming dangerously low. He heard Tuvok’s warnings in the background that he either had to hurry or end this now. 

Tom, Geron, and Greg tried calling out, pushing, pulling on the door, but nothing, and time was running out. Tom knew he couldn’t stay much longer, and he was afraid that if he left, all that he and Chakotay had achieved would be undone, and he couldn’t let that happen. “Please Chakotay, let me in. I love you, damn it!” he shouted in frustration. 

“Tom,” a small voice said from behind him.

“What?” he snapped, then immediately regretted snapping at the small boy. “I’m sorry, little chief. It’s…the man I love is trapped in there…” he didn’t know what to say, and he was so tired. 

“I was just wondering if this would help?” the boy said, holding up a tiny old fashion key, made of silver, with a long neck three tooth like segments, and the turning portion that one held was in the shape of a heart. 

Tom gave a soft laugh as a tear fell down his cheek at the simplicity as well as the symbolism of the whole thing. He took the key from the tiny hand and moved to the door, and with loving ease, used the key and with a tiny click, the door unlocked. Tom pulled on the door and it moved under his hand, and opened into a dark dank room, the same room where he had found his love not so long ago. 

He turned to the child, “Where did you get the key?” he asked in a hushed voice. 

Little Chakotay gleamed up, “I saw it on the ground after I saw it fall from your eyes,” the boy replied. 

Tom looked at him puzzled. 

“Your tears, Tom,” Greg said softly. 

“Love is always the key to one’s heart,” Geron replied. 

Tom nodded, and steadied himself. “Okay, we…”

“We can’t go in, Tom,” Greg said in a soft serous tone. “You can, and if he comes out, we’ll be here for him, but…we can’t go in.”

“Yes you can, I…”

“No, Tom, we can’t,” Geron interjected, a touch of sorrow for the frustrated man before him. 

“Its okay, Tom. I’ll be okay, I have Greg and Geron with me,” Little Chakotay said, giving the older blond a hug, thinking that Tom was worried about him, which he was. 

Tom could see he wasn’t going to convince them otherwise and so he turned toward the dark cell and stepped forth…

**********

“Tom… Tom” 

The familiar female voice was so close, he had to respond, and slowly he started to open his eyes, the light hurt and so he closed his eyes again, but continued to fight to wake up and respond to the one calling his name. It took him a few moments but eventually he was able to open his eyes and look up and see Captain Janeway smiling at him, giving off the motherly aura that he appreciated so much. It took him another moment to realize he was in sickbay…why? He looked around, a bit dazed and confused, and then slowly it started to come back to him…Chakotay! 

“How…what happened?” he asked weakly. 

“It’s okay Tom. Tuvok had to bring you out, for things got rather…intense. He’s resting, but before he did, he told me to tell you, congratulations,” she said softly as she leaned forward, brushing blond locks on a damp forehead.”

Tom looked at her puzzled, “For what?” he asked as a deep yawn over took him. 

“You’ll see in the morning, now rest,” she whispered, still caressing his hair soothing the young man back into sleep. “How is he?” Janeway asked the EMH as she turned from a sleeping Tom Paris. 

“Mr. Paris is just exhausted, as is Mr. Tuvok. However, considering the startling results of the mind meld, I’d say it was well worth it, don’t you?” 

Janeway looked at the Doctor a bit unsure, “All I know is what you told me, and that is that Chakotay’s brainwaves were closer to normal since he’s been back, and Tuvok’s statement. I guess, I won’t be convinced until Chakotay is awake and I see for myself.”

“Well that won’t be until morning, Captain, so you might as well get some rest. I have everything under control. 

Janeway looked around sickbay at the three officers that were sleeping soundly on the biobeds. She double checked to make sure Tom was out, then a warm glance to Tuvok before walking to stand next to her best friend and First Officer, Chakotay. She placed a loving hand on his forehead and caressed his hair back, but this was not so motherly. She was well aware of what she had given up, more so after she saw how happy he made Tom. Chakotay was special, but she wasn’t ready for him and all his intensity, and Tom was…the two fit well together; she had to admit it, and no matter what, she wanted them to be as they were before, she wanted to perform the wedding…she wanted Chakotay back by her side. 

Suppressing a few tears, she tucked the blanket under Chakotay’s chin and then left to attempt to get some rest and pray for good fortune in the morning. 

************

Tom bolted upright, //Chakotay!// He turned to see the Captain, the EMH, and Tuvok standing nearby, looking at him. 

“Glad you could join us,” Janeway teased warmly. 

“Indeed, Lieutenant. For I do believe someone has been asking about you?” The EMH stated as he walked over to Tom and scanned him and closed the tricorder once he was confident all was well. 

“Who? What happened?” 

“Perhaps you should see for your self, Lieutenant,” Tuvok stated, stepping aside from the doorway that led to the safe room, where Chakotay was being kept from harm. 

Tom took in the looks, the comments, and the glow…he dashed off the biobed and stopped at the door, suddenly frozen…afraid. 

“Its okay, Tom. Just take it slow,” Kathryn urged. 

Tom took a step and the sensors opened the door, and sitting on the bench at the table was Chakotay, who was using a blanket to wrap himself in. Tom moved in slowly, not sure what to expect or who. He started to recall the trip into his love’s shattered mind, but what was the result? He got closer and was ten feet away when Chakotay suddenly turned and saw him, and noticeably relaxed, thought he seemed very tense and a bit…lost. “Cha?” 

“Tom? Is it…really you?” 

The child like tone startled him a bit, but he was recognized, and the searching in the deep brown eyes let him know that this was Chakotay. “Yes…it’s really me,” he said as he moved even closer and knelt down in front of his love. He saw the eruption of emotion, pain, and anguish, as the normally in control man let go and hugged him tightly and cried. It was the first time in a long time that Tom felt that things were finally going to be okay. 

Very quickly Tom found himself on the floor with his arms full of Chakotay, sobbing uncontrollably, but Tom was perfectly fine with it. He couldn’t even imagine what his love had been put through, and he knew of all the wounds and the possibilities of how they were inflicted. The one thing Chakotay had taught him over the years was that tears were the cleansing of the soul to make room for the healing. It took Tom over a year before he cried over all his past pains and anguish, but he knew that if he hadn’t, if Chakotay wasn’t there for him to help him let go, he’d still be fucked up. Now it was his turn to be there for his love, and he would be, every step of the way, for the rest of his life. 

Tom held Chakotay for over an hour before the older man cried himself to sleep. Several times he glared at the EMH who wanted to sedate Chakotay, but Tom knew this had to come out or the healing would never be able to start. Then when he was sure that Chakotay was a sleep, and with help from the EMH, he got his love on the biobed, and then moved out to confer with Tuvok and the Captain. 

“He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?” Tom asked with real hope. 

“He has made a remarkable recovery thanks to your insight and efforts, Mr. Paris. Though the Commander has a long road before him he will be able to take his post again, I do foresee a full recovery.” 

“That’s the best news I’ve heard in ages,” Janeway replied, her own eyes moist from emotions. Then she pulled herself together, “But…”

“But what?” Tom snapped protectivly, than gave an apologetic look. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay Tom, I do understand. But…will he be able to testify? The Salosian Government won’t be put off much longer, and I refuse to let those…bastards…” Tom and Tuvok raised a brow to the Captain’s tight anger in her voice. “Walk. Chakotay deserves justice…” 

“How soon does he have to testify?” 

“According to Salosian law, Chakotay would be required to testify on the second day of the three day trial. At least this thing won’t be dragged out,” Janeway replied. “He also would be required to be present during the final verdict.” 

“Do you think you can stall them a few more days?” 

“I’m not sure, Tom. But I’ll try. Do you think…it’ll be enough?” 

“I don’t know, but we have to try. When he wakes up, I’ll talk to him and I guess we’ll see.” 

Janeway gave a supportive smile to Tom, and then a look to Tuvok that indicated they both should get back to work. “Call us if you need anything, Lieutenant.”

“I will.” Tom watched his senior officers and his friends head back to work and he moved to a chair next to Chakotay. He wasn’t going anywhere, he wouldn’t take the chance that his love might wake and find him not there. Once he was seated and he took his love’s hand, he caressed it, “I’m here, Cha. Your not alone, and we’ll get through this…you’ll see. You’ll see.” 

 

**********

The next few days had been touch and go for Tom and Chakotay, for the older man didn’t want to discuss what happened, in fact, he didn’t even want to talk; just close himself away, but Tom wouldn’t let him. Tom finally broke down and told Chakotay the score, and that if he didn’t testify that WaJek and the others would walk…this motivated the Commander ten fold. 

When Janeway gave in and set a date, the Salosian's were more than willing to wait, but on the date agreed; the trial would start, no matter what. She bought Chakotay a week, and was glad to see that her friend and first officer was using this time to make his way back to the man she knew. He would see visitors, one or two at a time, and even made trips to the bridge and engineering so the crew could see he was doing well and not rely on rumors. She told him he didn’t have to do this, but like the man she knew Chakotay was, he insisted, “They have to see I’m alright, not just guess, and I have to see that they are alright too,” he had said. 

Chakotay had finally given a report on what happened after six days since he ‘recovered’, and Kathryn Janeway, Starfleet Captain, found herself vomiting halfway through it and in tears and sick by the end of it. The fact that her friend was even standing, talking, even in his shattered state, much less how he was now, was nothing short of a miracle. Chakotay acknowledged Greg and Geron’s death, but beyond that, he didn’t say much…not much at all, he simply went blank. //Time,// she said to herself again, once more using the magical chant to give her hope. 

***********

Today was the second day of the trial, and she was standing next to Tom, who was next to Chakotay, who was next to Tuvok, and several other officers that almost were placed on report for overstepping their place in insisting to keep an eye on the Commander. When Janeway gave them a choice of an official reprimand or going down with the Commander, it was no contest…for here they stood. She wasn’t going to put any official reprimands, just a note…on loyalty. 

The court room was similar to Earths, a witness stand, Judge, Prosecutor and Defender, and the leader of the monsters sitting there…too confident and cocky. Janeway found herself thinking about how she could sneak a phaser in here and blow that scum from the face of the universe, but then the Captain in her would remind her of what she represented, and she pushed the thought aside. She wasn’t aware that she was far from alone in her thoughts. The only other thing that kept her on edge was the way Chakotay sat quietly, erect, like a solder waiting orders, looking sharp in his dress uniform, not even flinching when the Prosecutor stated the list of horrific actions that was placed upon him, Greg and Geron. Then it was time, and when he stood, he stood tall, and walked up to the stand and took a seat as if this was nothing more than an official briefing, she was worried, and could see that Tom was too. 

“Commander, thank you for being here, I know this is difficult for you,” the Prosecutor stated easily, as he moved toward the human officer, showing his compassion. 

Chakotay simply looked at the young man as if it was no big deal. 

“Ah, you heard the list of charges that was read here in the court room, did you not?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Can you tell me, the one responsible for these horrific acts, are they here in the court room, and could you point them out?” 

“No.” 

The court room broke out into a small puzzled outburst. Tom stood up, total disbelief that Chakotay had suddenly backed out at the last minute clear on his face. “Cha, what’s the matter with you?” he shouted. 

The Judge brought the room to order and gave the Prosecutor the opportunity to try this again. He moved nervously toward the older human, not sure why this formality was going so poorly. “Perhaps you didn’t understand the question, Commander…” 

“I understood you just fine,” Chakotay replied easily. 

“Commander, you ‘are’ aware that without your testimony, this…criminal will walk?” the young Salosian asked, the horror that his case was falling apart in front of him in his eyes. 

“Can’t help you, sorry.” Chakotay looked calm and in control, and not bothered by what was happening around him what so ever. “So, if you don’t require my presence any longer, may I be dismissed?” 

The young lawyer thought quickly, “Your honor, I would like to request a symposium, too…re-coordinate this case. It is clear that the Commander…is not cooperating.” 

The Judge sat back, taking everything into account. She looked at the Commander who looked back at her easily, and then she turned to look at the defendant, and saw the smirk. “Commander, you are dismissed for the moment. Request for the symposium is granted. It will convene tomorrow at this time,” she stated and brought the trail to an end for this day. 

The court room was all a buzz with the turn of events, and lawyers for both sides were now crowed around the tables, which made it impossible for Tom or Janeway to get through to Chakotay and ask him what happened. When they finally reached the front of the room, Chakotay was…gone, his com bade left on the witness stand chair. 

“Find him,” she snapped, as she clutched the Commander’s badge. “What’s going on, Tom?” she asked in a hushed voice, to the young man next to her.

“I wish I knew. He was all set, well as set as he could be…I…don’t know…” Tom started to look pale, as he turned to look at the bastard that hurt his love, as he was being chained and led out of the room, and he felt the hate boil in his blood. “You don’t think he…he did something…do you?”

Janeway looked at the alien slime, “How, until this morning, Chakotay’s been on the ship.” Then she turned to see just how much Tom was barely holding himself together, and placed a supporting hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.” 

*************

Several hours had passed, and there was no sign of the Commander, even with the Salosian police aiding in the search. Tom was frustrated, for how could a human hide; they looked nothing like the Salosian's. But still, either Chakotay was very good, or something was terribly wrong. 

He was sitting in the Prosecutors office, along with Janeway, who was in communication with the ship; even they couldn’t pick up the Commander’s DNA. Just then one of the officers from the Salosian Police arrived looking very disturbed. 

“Captain, I think…I think we found you officer, or should I say, were he was,” the officer stated. 

Tom felt himself pale, “What do you mean, was?” 

The officer looked at the blond human then back to the human Captain. “We just got word, all the prisoners involved in this case, except their leader WaJek, was just found…murdered.”

“What?” 

“I received the report just a moment ago. Though the guards of the prison in that wing were hurt, it was nothing serious, but they were knocked out, and one said it was a human fitting the Commander’s description. He…used one our guard’s weapons, inflicting wounds that would kill, but slowly…painfully. They were all dead by the time anyone could respond to the emergency. I’m…I’m sorry. But now he is wanted for…murder.” 

Tom and Janeway looked at each other, the thought that this just couldn’t be happening was in both their faces. Then Tom spoke, “You said except for the leader…what happened to him?”

“He’s missing, though there was blood…his blood found in the cell. We’re tying to locate them both as we speak,” the officer replied. “Again, I’m sorry. But we must ask you, that if you find him that he is handed over to us immediately.” 

Tom looked at Janeway, and saw she nodded, and then waited till the officer was out of hearing. “Captain, you can’t…”

“Tom, don’t start with me. We have to find Chakotay, from there…we’ll…let’s just find him first.” 

Tom sat down in a chair, thinking, trying to fit all the pieces of this strange puzzle together…then it dawned on him. //Pieces…// Tom pulled the Captain aside, “Pieces,” he said urgently. 

“What are you talking about, Tom?” 

“I didn’t get all the pieces.” Tom saw the Captain didn’t follow. “Remember when I went in, I got most of them, but Tuvok himself said he thought there was a dark force…a dangerous one…and when I was there, I felt it…lurking in the dark.”

“I remember, but what does this…”

“Don’t you see, Captain? I didn’t get all the pieces…therefore Chakotay was not whole, and that left the one…the one capable of anything free…free to act.” 

Janeway thought about what Tom was saying, and suddenly it all made sense…the dangerous one was running amok, getting revenge, and that she and the others had been so glad to see Chakotay back that they never thought once to see if he was truly whole again. Once again a wave of guilt filled her as she thought that she failed her friend again. Then looking into strained blue eyes, she saw that Tom was feeling the same thing. “We have to find him, and stop him, before this goes too far.” 

“Captain, it’s already gone too far. But we have to find him, help him…”

“But where could he be?” 

Tom thought hard, then a flash of being in Chakotay’s mind occurred to him, and he paled. He then looked up hesitantly, “I…I think I know.” 

***********

A scream echoed and vibrated off the stone walls, shaking dust from the crevices. The pain was clear as well as the raspy sound of exhaustion. 

“What’s the matter, can dish it out, but can’t take it?” a cold human voice asked. 

A Salosian male hanged from wrist chains from the stone ceiling, stripped naked, his toes barely touching the ground. His body was covered in bluish green bruises and blood. He had chunks of skin missing from his chest, his arms, and his thighs. He had burns all over his body, and electrodes attached to his genital. His one eye was gouged out, the other swollen shut, and he didn’t make a sound for the moment. 

"There are ways to give pain without killing the subject, WaJek. Did you know that?" Chakotay asked in dark mockery as he hovered around the body of his victim. “Of course you do…you were the master of torment, weren’t you? But you should be proud of yourself…you taught me so much. So, teach how am I doing? Hmm?” he asked as he shoved a dagger up the male’s anus, thus producing a horrendous cry of pain. “That good, huh,” Chakotay shrugged as he removed the sharp item, and laid it down on the table next to a bag of items and a regenerator, the same table that once held Greg and Geron and the same items used on them…or close to it. 

Chakotay picked up the regenerator and moved like a doctor toward WaJek, and shoved it up the male’s anus and switched it one, just long enough to heal the basic wound, then removed it. “Can’t have you missing out on the rest of the show, now can we,” Chakotay replied, the dark madness illuminating from his eyes. 

Chakotay then laid the healing instrument down, and then walked in front of his prisoner, “Aren’t you gong to beg me again…to stop or simply kill you? I mean you were so very good at it a moment ago? Oh, wait…” he laughed, as he reached to the floor and picked up a piece of blood covered flesh, “You can’t, seems that I’ve got your tongue…” then the laughter subsided as he tossed the bloody flesh at the male and than shoved him, making him swing on his bloody wrists, and he started punching WaJek like he was a punching bag. 

“Worthless…son…of…a…bitch…” he shouted with each punch. “Was it worth it? All of this shit was it worth it?” he shouted, and then with one more punch, he turned fuming to the table, looking for the right tool for the next step. 

“Cha, what are you doing?” 

Chakotay turned around startled, and saw Tom standing in the cell door to the torture room, looking at him with horror, and sadness. The anger and hate wavered for a moment, and then it came back full blast, “You don’t belong here!” 

“And you do? Cha…what…what the hell are you doing?” 

“Revenge…Justice…what the hell do you think I’m doing?” 

“Cha, the court…”

“Would have stuck them in prison for a few yeas, that’s hardly justice for what those bastards did!” 

“Cha, this…this isn’t like you. I mean…you…you killed…” 

“The bastards? Your damn right I did! What, you thought I was some fucking angel? Did you forget that I ran a Maquis cell? I killed Cardassian’s left and right, Tom.” 

“But not like this. Not in cold blood. That was war…this is…murder!” 

“And what the fuck do you think they did! Do you have any idea what they did to Geron and Greg? Do you?” Chakotay shouted, his anger rising. 

“I read the report…”

“No! A report can’t even begin to cover it. There are no words for what these fuckers did! There isn’t a punishment good enough for them, but by fuck they will be punished, especially this one!” Chakotay shouted, punching the hanging body with all his might, and the sound of ribs breaking echoed in the air. 

Tom took a few cautious steps inside the cell toward Chakotay. “Your right, I can’t imagine, and I wish like hell that I could have been here for you…” 

Chakotay turns toward Tom, fear and horror in his eyes, “No…no you don’t,” he said, as pain filled him, He moved a step toward Tom and then grabbed the young man by his shoulder, “No you don’t! Don’t you know what would have happened to you if you had been here? That if by some fucked up chance that I hadn’t sent you back to the ship…you…Spirits!” He started crying, and Tom could see the darkness fading in his love’s eyes. 

Tom embraced his love, “Your right, I can’t imagine what it would be like watching this bastard kill Geron and Greg…” he started to say, and suddenly found himself shoved back across the cell, landing on his ass. 

“That’s right, you don’t know shit!” Chakotay growled, pointing an accusing finger at the young man. “So keep your fucking judgments to your self!” 

Tom looked up and heard the coldness, and saw the dark madness was back. “I wasn’t judging you,” he replied softly as he stood up. “I know there was noting you could have done for Geron and…”

“Shut up!” Chakotay snapped. “Just shut the fuck up!” he shouted as he grabbed something off the table, not caring what and threw it at Tom as hard as he could, just missing the young man. 

“Chakotay, what’s the matter with you?” 

“You don’t understand, shit! So get the fuck out of here and let me do what I need to do!”

“No. You’ve done too much already. And as far as not understanding, why don’t you help?” Tom shouted back, his own emotions raw. 

“No,” Chakotay stated, as pain and confusion crossed his face once more. “You don’t understand…you can’t. I mean had you been here…what this son-of-a-bitch would have done…what I would have done…” he said, as he started pacing the cell, trying to get a grip, by literally holding himself. 

Tom took a risk and moved to intercept Chakotay, “Cha, there was nothing you could have done…” 

“I know,” Chakotay said, as tears started to fall down his face. “It was the only option…the only one,” he mumbled, then looked at Tom. “I had to stop it. Can you understand that? I had to stop it.” 

Tom looked at the now fragile man before him, looking for understanding. “Cha, what are you talking about?” he asked gently. 

“They couldn’t take much more, Janeway didn’t come…I had to do something…I had to stop it,” he cried, as he slowly slid to his knees, wrapping himself up in his arms. 

“Cha, you’re scaring me. What did you do?” Tom asked as he too knelt down next to his love. 

A deep soul piercing sob retched itself from Chakotay as he fell forward, “I had to protect them, make the pain stop. I had too. They looked to me to put an end to it all…I had too!” 

Tom held Chakotay in his arms as it dawned on him what Chakotay was saying, and numbness filled his body. “How did you put a stop to it, Cha?” he asked in a hushed whisper, dreading the answer. 

“I…I had to stop their pain. I…had too put an end…” 

Tom grabbed Chakotay up by his shoulders and looked the man in the face, eye to eye, “How did you stop it?” he growled as he shook the older man. He could see the answer in the dark eyes before him, he didn’t need to hear it, but a part of him knew Chakotay needed to say it. “How?” 

“I…I…I killed them,” Chakotay said in a broken whisper, as all life seemed to drain out of the man. “I killed them,” he sobbed as he crawled into a tight ball and sobbed some more. 

Tom simply held the sobbing man on his lap, his own mind miles away trying to adjust to the fact that Chakotay had killed Geron and Greg…to save them from the horror…the pain. He felt anger…disgust…then pity…then sorrow. That it was ‘this’ single act, more than anything that WaJek or his people did that broke his love. That Chakotay was forced to do the unthinkable, for the sake of his men… and at what cost? His soul. 

Tom sat there a while, letting his love once again cry himself into exhaustion. Tom knew that Janeway would not wait much longer, though he was glad she allowed him to enter inside alone. “We’ll get through this,” he whispered to his love as he caressed his love’s hair, numbness still within him. He stood slowly, laying Chakotay’s head gently to the floor and walked over to the semi-unconscious form of the one responsible for all this hell. He could see that WaJek was still alive, and he could tell that if Chakotay had had it his way…would have remained so for quite some time. 

“You really do deserve all he was going to give you,” Tom found himself saying, his own voice cold and tight. “But for his sake, this has to end.” Then in one quick move, Tom grabbed the dagger from the table and plunged it into WaJek’s heart. Then he moved away, stiffness still in his body, as he moved and picked up his sleeping love, drawing on the adrenalin in his body to make it possible, but Chakotay was still far from his original weight. 

He carried him out of the cell and out of the ruin building and walked up to the Captain, his gaze level and cool, “we are not handing him over to anyone,” he stated much like an order, then moved to the transporter boosters, and called for transport to sickbay, not even paying attention to what the Captain’s reaction was, nor did he care. All that mattered was the man in his arms, and he would do what ever it took to protect him, the way he should have from the beginning. 

**********

“Tom…” 

A small yawn, “You have another bad dream, love?” Tom asked as he rolled over and hugged his love to him tightly. 

“Yeah,” Chakotay replied as he snuggled up to Tom. “Well, sort of. It was like I was in the middle of some dark place, trying to remember something…something I should…but I couldn’t. Then I was fighting with myself on whether or not I should…does that sound weird or what,” Chakotay said with a light chuckle. 

Tom gave a light laugh, “Yeah, that does sound weird, but…” he yawned then leaned down and kissed his love…his life. “But it was just a dream, it’s over. Do you think you can sleep?” he asked as he caressed his love’s dark hair softly, knowing this helped relax Chakotay. 

“Yeah,” Chakotay replied already half a sleep as he snuggled deep into Tom’s arms. Then in moments was sound asleep. 

Tom continued to watch over his love…his husband, knowing what the dreams meant. Tom pushed for the Captain to take the ship out of orbit and to hell with the Salosian's. Sure they gave a bit of chase, but even they knew it all was wrong, and there would never be justice in this situation and eventually gave up. Then Tom pushed for the Doc to erase Chakotay’s memories, pushing that it was the only way that they would ever get their First Officer back, and the only way he could protect Chakotay…from himself. 

Chakotay was filled in on some of the basics of what happened, and the fact that Geron and Greg’s death was not WaJek’s doing, was left unspoken by Tom; who did his best to push the entire horrible incident past them both. Chakotay still needed counseling, but in a few months he accepted his lacking memory, trusting those around him that it was for the best, and was able to return to duty. Of course he was different, but then again, everyone was different…even Tom. 

The once carefree spirit had suddenly developed a very serious protectiveness toward Chakotay, and those who couldn’t see it, felt it. A couple of months later, Tom and Chakotay were married and life was finally starting to get back to normal…as normal as it ever could get out here in the Delta. 

Tom rubbed Chakotay’s back, he was told by the EMH that Chakotay may retain some of the memory, because of the fragmentation of his mind at one time, but Tom was determined to keep it at bay, and if need be, they would handle it in sickbay with another erasing, but Chakotay would never recall, if Tom could help it…for it would destroy Chakotay…it almost did once, but his love was back…and he would make sure it stayed this way, no matter the cost. 

The end


End file.
